The Monster I Keep

There is a monster deep in me
He hides so we all cannot see

The pain he feels when he’s revealed
The sorrow he can’t keep concealed.

He does not have claws or a tail
But still he frightens without fail

He has no wings or eyes of black
And without horns he loses track

Of who is monster and is host
Of who he is and hates the most

The problem is he looks just like
the one he took to hide his life

Before too long he starts to act
Just like the host so he retracts

To tame himself so to become
The one who hates to see the sun

The one who dares not face us all
The one who fears the earthly call

I’d wish him gone but then I think
He lets himself appear in ink

Through writing and the use of words
He sees the world and hears the birds

Who am I to take that away
and who am I to say “don’t stay”

When all I am is just a shell
Just living in my little hell

So now he is that which I seek
So in my mind I take a peek

And see him there and he sees me
And then he knows he cannot flee

He says he’s weak and can’t escape
“In my own life I can’t partake”

And then he adds without remorse
“See I am not the one off course.”

I look at him and I’m unsure
Of why he wants to find a cure

For the life he hates to live
Why his own life, he wants to give

He looks at me as if to say
“You are who made me this way.”

I tell him no, I can’t project
How I had made him to expect

To live his life inside my own
Never to make his presence known

Then I have a revelation
This was not my expectation

That he is not the evil one
He is my life that’s come undone

I see he’s not the monster true
And now uncertain what to do

Why did it take so long to see
The only monster here is me…