I actually really liked this, but the only thing is the picture. When reading a haiku don't you want the reader to come up with his/her own conclusion of what they see in their head. By posting an image you kind of force the picture into their heads.

Anyways ... thought this was good. The last line was no doubt the best.

Posted: Aug 28, 2008

Alice is back in the saddle :D
Oh I love this!
it is not the ideal haiku form which consist of three lines: the first and third being 5 syllables and the second line being 7 syllables.
But it is a wonderful poem, to me it says ALOT! The beauty of things that may or may not be good for us, and our desires to find out, as if they too know and call to us lol.
Do you know I saw a Black Butterfly, just this year and I was SO captivated, I had never seen one before and it was simply outstandingly Beautiful
By the way; I love the picture
~katie

Posted: Aug 28, 2008

I was thinking of you just this morning and planning to ask you whether you had written anything new. Well, I got two treats instead of one! This one is a beauty, Alice. I like Katie's comment too!

Posted: Aug 28, 2008

hi! alice. this is wonderful. nobody'll taunt u, leave aside a butterfly and that too BLACK! i had seen colorful butterflies till now but here's a new one. i like it. keep it up. lol. ;-)

Posted: Aug 28, 2008

It does hold a fasination

Posted: Aug 28, 2008

Literally, black butterfly signifies bad luck in our country. It's a belief. But I don't personally take it that way.

Black butterflies can be anything one wishes to take them be. But in this piece, it appeared two-faced. It carried the good and the bad in life.

It may not be in 5-7-5 form but it's still a haiku---your haiku not Basho's. ;-) A free-form and a non-japanese haiku. ^^

Posted: Aug 28, 2008

Good question, Alice ! I've been wondering about that from the beginning.

Susan

Posted: Aug 28, 2008

simple and beautiful, and the picture was really lovely too. Bravo bella!
Steph(:

Posted: Sep 1, 2008

How can you possibly say so much in just three lines? A whole story. A whole picture. A beautiful beginning. A beautiful ending. I liked it. The picture was nice too, haha:)

Posted: Sep 2, 2008

Is this really a haiku?

I thought they needed to be 5-7-5

but maybe this is a different form.

Anyway,

This poem said nothing.

You gave us an emotion, which is fine..

On the whole, telling your emotions are unengaging. You must show us them.

"Beautiful black butterfly

taunting

beyond dreams stars and moon"

I don't know. That was just an example of how to make it more visually interesting. I took it in the direction of the black butterfly being the wings of space, but maybe it is different for you. It might be your anxiety or something.

I would play around with it.

avoid words such as "the" "and" "or"..small words like those. Yes, I understand I used the word and..I need to fix it, lol

Nonetheless, you definitely have an eloquent sound. Now the imagery just needs to be on that same level!

On another note, if you like butterflies, I wrote a story on my favorite butterfly! I would appreciate if you read it!

Posted: Sep 21, 2008