Journey Through Life
*
By: Alice Oiseau
*
*
Turn to the next page in the book of life,
The sun will rise,
Eyes wide open,
Time to realize,
Time to begin anew,
Bid yesterdays adieu.
*
Mornings will be simple -
toast with butter and jam,
hot showers and clothes set aside from the previous night,
*
Before long comes noon -
arrives all too soon.
Women sit in cafes,
Expensive meals of silken tofu with soy sauce,
Laughter will be shared,
Memories to love and care.
*
Breezy afternoons spent outside,
Take down your mask and stop trying to hide,
Sit beneath the willow tree,
It's time to unlock the chambers of your mind,
And let the world see...
*
Birds sing softly,
Wind giggles tenderly,
Grass sways swiftly,
Willow vines dance lovingly.
*
Sun will set,
The end of today's journey is almost met.
*
Extravagant dinners and grandeurs,
Diamonds and pearls,
Gentlemen and ladies,
But in the mirror's reflection
They're merely boys and girls.
*
Twilight awakens,
Stars illuminate a navy blue sky,
Never surrender,
Always try,
Learn to cope and deal,
Wounds of strife, given time will heal,
Scars may linger and stay,
Wild emotions will drive you insane,
New roads and lanes...
*
Forgive and forget,
Live and love,
Days come and go,
Hardships to and fro,
Beings enter and leave,
Adrenaline and fears,
Heartache and tears.
*
Look how much you've grown my friend,
Here we are in the end,
Take my hand,
You and I will go far,
Come.
Chase the stars...
Oh wow, that was an amazing poem. Absolutely fantastic....and you did that for a challenge!?!? Wow haha..but hey I have a challenge like that my words had "martyrdom" and "terpsichore" and "evasive" in it, so don't complain about your words :P
The transition from the simplicity and imagery into emotions and feelings was very very smooth and very nicely done. The entire poem had an "awakening" feeling to it, from the break of day to the ending.
"Birds sing softly,/Wind giggles tenderly,/Grass sways swiftly,/Willow vines dance lovingly." are my absolute favourite lines in this poem. The half-rhymes make it such an intense and loving imagery.
How do I describe my interpretation...? Birth...innocence...youth...understanding...grandeur of old age (but still sees boys and girls in themselves)...pain...hope...death...the last stanza can be interpreted as fateful lovers united after death...that's what I like to see anyways.
Time for the nitpicking, your least favourite part mwahaha. There is absolutely no problem with your imagery or content, or the way you chose to represent, so I'm going to pick on the little details.
Second stanza: "toast with butter and jam,/hot showers and clothes set aside from the previous night," the second line here is quite long and kind of disturbs the flow, especially with the lack of rhyme. I'm not saying you need rhyme here, but to break the phrase into more mangeable chunks that fit better with the rest of the poem like:
Mornings will be simple -
toast with butter and jam,
hot showers,
clothes all picked out:
set aside from the previous night.
Ah, third stanza: "Women sit in cafes,/Expensive meals of silken tofu with soy sauce," since tofu kinda rhymes with "soon" so it can help break this one as well to help the flow, since it's a little long as well, kinda like:
Before long comes noon -
arrives all too soon.
Women sit in cafes,
Expensive meals of silken tofu
(with soy sauce)
I see a few more places with the same thing so I'll stop talking now since you might be doing that on purpose. Uhh, just one more detail:
Stars illuminate a navy blue sky,
The word illuminate is pretty hard on the tongue, perhaps "irradiate" would do better?
That was a great poem though! One of my favs on this site. Keep up the good up :)
Posted: Jun 19, 2008
As promised, alice, here it goes.
Need I say again how beautiful this poem is? Well, regardless, I’ll say it again: it is just beautiful. I must admit, if I had received words that were so isolated from each other, I would have gone near enough to a panic---but perhaps the strange words were the core reason that it was so wonderful—I mean, artists work their best when they have to open their imagination, afterall.
“Turn to the next page in the book of life
The sun will rise
Eyes wide open
Time to reaslise
Time to begin anew
Bid yesterdays adieu”
I love this. It is a perfect way to start because it sets the tone of the constant movement of time- how days start, everyday, on a clean slate/ new page, and yesterday is gone. It starts it simply, but implies expectation—the expectation of new things, new activities, and new prospect.
As the poem goes from morning to twilight, it shows a progress from simplicity to complexity. Starting with things like “toast with butter and jam”- makes life sound so effortless (and it sort of makes me hungry, I won’t lie) and when it goes through the motions, things (like the mention of ‘memories’ and ‘expensive meals’) get more intricate. Perhaps, and I’m only guessing here, you’re implying life---how it starts with the simplicity of childhood, and continues into the baggage-d years of adulthood? If that is the case, then I could just hug you (hehe) because that is just the most awesome way of expressing it without actually saying it. When it gets to the end of the day, things are more complicated: “learn to cope and deal, wounds of strife, given time to heal”- like how at the end of your life you’re left with the scars of previous battles, so to speak. Healed, yes; but still there...
Woohoo! Two thumbs up, alice!
“Forgive and forget,
Live and love,
Days come and go,
Hardships to and fro,
Beings enter and leave,
Adrenaline and fears,
Heartaches and tears.”
Ah, c’est la vie. The common ground experienced by all on their life journey. By the end of life, everyone knows these things- and what better way could you end such a poem as by mentioning them?
Then, lastly:
“Look how much you’ve grown my friend,
Here we are in the end,
Take my hand
You and I will go far,
Come.
Chase the stars.”
This certainly, and successfully, implies death….or at least I think. Does “chase the stars” imply heaven? That is what it meant to me, anyway, and I think it’s the most beautiful concept. The end of the journey—yet the beginning of another.
(To be honest, I haven’t read the other comments- so I hope I’m not simply repeating what has already been said; but I love this poem, and I hope my interpretation was what you’d hoped to portray. If it isn’t, then it’s not your poems fault- it’s mine. I’ve only just turned 15, afterall, and I’m somewhat prone to errors. Alas, the perils of youth.)
Keep writing, alice. Your artistry inspires me to the highest degree. Ces’t manifique….tu es manifiques.
Much love
Ash
Posted: Jun 20, 2008
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