Random First Lines: Saturday Night’s Alright for... : Non-Fiction » Read

Welcome Visitor: Login to the siteJoin the site

Story of a Goddess

Poem By: Alice Oiseau
Poetry


Alrighty. So as most of you know, Lionheart has created this challenge. He gives five words and you create a poem using those words.
My words:
Squabble
Retreat
Hoarse
Credulity
Gaia (the goddess of earth)

well... um... just to warn you mythology fans... i kind of went against the whole mythology story and created my own with a new spin.
i apologize in advance if you don't like my spin on it.

all right oh so wise lionheart, here is my poem. View table of contents...

 

Submitted: May 26, 2008    Reads: 142    Comments: 42    Likes: 15   


Story of a Goddess

There stands a weeping willow,

She weeps forevermore,

Man sleeps beneath her canopy,

Here is a tale of how Gaia came to be...

*

It began when an angel so divine fell in love with a man,

She was held close to his heart,

Little did they know what their love would start...

*

Gods were outraged when they discovered so,

T'was merely a squabble at first,

As it progressed, so did their bloodthirst,

*

War began,

Armies of divine versus man,

Slain and in ruins,

*

Time trickled on,

A test to prove their love wrong,

*

Man's blood boiled under the heat,

And they were forced to retreat,

Storm clouds raged above,

And the angel escaped in the night where she flew to her love.

*

A raven led her to her fate,

Her lover couldn't save her for it was now too late,

A hoarse voice echoed off the chamber walls,

She was about to become wingless and witness her own fall.

*

A sorcerer made her a deal,

Her soul is what he planned to steal,

Promised a love to last an eternity

And her curse came about due to her credulity...

*

There stands a weeping willow,

She weeps forevermore,

Her man sleeps beneath her canopy,

For he will love this trapped goddess eternally...


15

Email this story Email this story | Print Story Print Story | Add to reading list

Comments:

good job!!! This is awesome!!!! I asked to do the challenge too, but Lionheart is swamped, so i have a feeling that it could be a while before i get my words, but i'll be patient! you did a wonderful job! :)

Posted: May 26, 2008

Author Comment:

haha thanks! yeah he has quite the handful of comments to reply to.
thank you seesawmae!!

I absolutely love this piece. Mythology is so beautiful, it allows us to create amazing images. U’ve changed the myth a bit, but its still wonderful. Ok, so Gaia is the goddess of the earth and one of the older titans, which were eventually overthrown by Zeus/Jove, so she was thrown out of heaven, but of course u focus on love as the cause. What better cause can there b? I love how u have mixed violent images of war with the subtle images of love. Also its great how u immortalise her in the form of a weeping willow. Theres no better image u could have used. The Greek gods were cruel, jealous, selfish; so its wonderful how u show a goddess who displays none of these traits, and turns her back on these petty gods because of her love for mankind. Lets hope we can pay her back by looking after her (earth) instead of destroying her. This is a great poem Alice, and u find a wonderful use for these words u have been given

Posted: May 26, 2008

Author Comment:

thank you! *whew* its a relief that you didnt mind my spin on mythology. glad you loved it! your comment brought a huge smile to my face :D haha see?
thank you for your analysis. i love when analyze my poems. you do such a wonderful job!
once again, thank you matt
take care! ^^

hahahaah what is left to say after all that LOL
he does give a TOP notch analogy.
well I too loved the weeping willow, started it off in such beauty! the picture too was awesome!
you did real good hear Alice! A HUGE CONGRATES!!!!
^_^ ~KATIE

Posted: May 26, 2008

Author Comment:

haha thanks katie!
yes, matt always leaves long comments where he analyzes a poem and they always are top-notch!
glad you liked the picture ^^ there were so many cool looking ones. it was hard to choose one! haha
thanks again :)

WOW, this is too good........the snaps r brilliant too and awesome use of words....

Posted: May 26, 2008

Author Comment:

aw thanks pratibha! you're so sweet ^^

this was amazing! and I LOVE mythology. One of my few obsessions. xD
This was amazing. Keep up the great work!

~mandy

Posted: May 26, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks mandy!! haha i love mythology too. not quite obsessed with it (yet) but i still love it. thank you for the read and comment
take care ^^

beautiful poem Alice. Your words really moved me as they usually do. Thumbs up for Lionheart for your inspiration to write such a great poem.
Incroyable me belle!
Steph:P

Posted: May 26, 2008

Author Comment:

aw merci beaucoup!
tu es incroyable aussi!!

i wish i could write a longer reply in more french. haha. thanks steph ^^

Wow, that was absolutly beautiful. You did an outstanding job, there. I loved it!

Posted: May 26, 2008

Author Comment:

thank you very much!

Armies of divine versus man, - we are screwed..
Nice one, i don't know the real story but im sure that one was just as good. I liked how you made the reader as a question in the first part, and answered it in the last!

Posted: May 26, 2008

Author Comment:

hahahahahaha!
wow that was a good laugh.
yeah, we're definately screwed.

thanks reaper!

Ooohh I love Mythology. This was great :) I also like how it sometimes rhymes. If you know me, I can't get enought of rhymes.

You wrote this masterly Alice. :) Great Job! I loved it and you used those 5 words in awesome context.

Posted: May 26, 2008

Author Comment:

thank you angela!
thank goodness it wasn't disappointing to you mythology fans! i was worried some people wouldn't like it because i changed the story line... almost completely. hahaha
thanks X)

[:

Posted: May 26, 2008

Author Comment:

ahaha i take it you liked it then ^^
thanks cris

Whoa. This is just plain awesomeness and a half! I really like it, very greek mythology-esque. I am SO going to click the "i like it" button! And the words are so natural in the poem, you can only tell they're the words you had to use because you highlighted them. I bet if you said this had nothing to do with the challenge, people would believe you!

I really, really enjoyed this! I hope you had fun writing yours, I had fun reading it ^.^ Keep up the EXCELLENT work!

Posted: May 26, 2008

Author Comment:

haha yeah i had a lot of fun writing mine. it came so naturally. once i saw some of the words, i knew there was some kind of war. then i had a dream... and i took my dream, altered a few things, and made it into this. it was fun. i'm definately going up for lionhearts next "challenge" haha (just kidding lionheart!)

awesomeness and a half! yay!
thank you hugs and kisses!!

WOW. I loved that. :D seriously

Posted: May 26, 2008

Author Comment:

haha thanks hon :D

What vivid imagery! War, love, mythology... Wow. I'm not a big myth fan, so I wouldn't know if Zeus came out and kicked my butt!!
Awesome job.
MA

Posted: May 26, 2008

Author Comment:

ah thank you!
*claps for imagery* its one of my fortes. XD
thanks MA!

hi! alice u stand tall with this poem. all greek gods'd fall in love with this. ;-)

Posted: May 26, 2008

Author Comment:

hahaha thank you bubbly!
i dont know about ALL greek gods.
hades isnt too loving. hahaha but who knows ;)
thanks

Titan of the earth.
You've written this while in tune with nature and it shows.
Interesting how you've mixed violence with Gaia as we watch our earth slowly change due to violence...maybe it was a sign back in the greek days to the future...I digress.
I am a myth fan and you've created a wonderful spin which is always inspiring to fellow writers of imagination.

HIgh Five!

Posted: May 26, 2008

Author Comment:

haha hmmm maybe. the gods have tried to warn us but its too late..
thank you classy peach! happy to hear that the spin on mythology worked out well ^^ yes, its rather inspiring. after i wrote it, i was tempted to write a whole novel! or at least a short story, haha
*returns high five*
thanks peach! :)

Alice!! XD

I LOOOOOVE MYTHOLOGY!!!!!
And this is one awesome story you just written!!! XD

Yes, you did create a few detours from what really happened in the myths but I still recognize some of them.

A servant of the heavens, falling in love with a son of the Earth,
banished by the Gods as Punishment, took away the seraph's wings... fallen angel..

And yes, the war...Ragnarok.

And the Sacrifice of the Goddess for her one true love, locked up in the tree of life, forever guarding Terra, and keeping her love with man....

Alice!!! XD
A sure favorite!!
You made me so happy reading this poem.
I absolutely love mythology!!

Oh, I forgot this is for Lionheart's Challenge!!
So, yeah,
You just punched him in the gut with this one. Hahahaha!

Do take care Dear Angel,

*bows in recognition*
"Brava! Brava!"
*Throws daffodils to the stage*

and Keep writing! ^^

Posted: May 26, 2008

Author Comment:

you always know how to make me smile XD
hahaha i had no idea you loved mythology so much! its quite fascinating. i studied it in school and we had to end the unit way too quick. i wanted to learn more.
a favorite? yay!! i'm so glad you loved it! i know you were looking forward to it and it sounds like its just as good as you were hoping it to be ^^
hahaha yes this is my lionheart challenge poem. hahaha i wonder what he'll say after he reads this.
*collects daffodils and curties* thank you!
take care punishment ;)

Good job! You managed to sculpt totally unrelated words into a masterpiece of poetry. An excellent mythological story. Awesome! Tell me when you write more...I'd like to see it!

Posted: May 26, 2008

Author Comment:

thank you!! i'll be sure to let you know when i write more ^^ keep in touch
aha yay! *gasp* a masterpiece of poetry?! *faints happily*
hahaha
thank you so much kaylynn!!

I must admit, ALice, that I am not much of a Mythology fan, however having said that, I must confess that I honestly enjoyed your poem tremendously! You created a gem for Lionheart's booksie challenge. Bravo!!!

Happy writing.....Jerry

Posted: May 27, 2008

Author Comment:

really? you enjoyed it that much? XD
thank you jerry!!!

Awesome. This is really brilliant.

Posted: May 27, 2008

Author Comment:

why, thank ya! :)

When you delve deep into the past, mythology comes alive. And you bring up a lively poem. Well done.

Posted: May 27, 2008

Author Comment:

^^ thank you eliza! that was sweet of you. i loved the way you phrased that, b/c its true! theres something magical about mythology ^^

wow, i like this challenge. its amazing what you can come up with, given only 5 words! awesome!

Posted: May 27, 2008

Author Comment:

haha yes, its fun! you should try it!!
i really enjoyed it, though it wasn't very challenging (you hear that lionheart?! hahaha!)
but go ahead and take on his challenge. you'll have fun ^^
and thank you crystaltears for the sweet comment

just beautiful!... awesome work here... write on my friend!

Posted: May 27, 2008

Author Comment:

thank you ddrandall!!

Alice,
your burning girl!!
I love greek mythology!!!!
I LOVE THISSSS
Loving you without cease,
KR

Posted: May 28, 2008

Author Comment:

hahahaha thank you!!
i had no idea so many people loved greek mythology! thank you so much KR! you're so sweet XD

Nicely done Alice. I usually dont read stuff about mythology but this was very nice.

Posted: May 28, 2008

Author Comment:

thank you lien ^^
you don't have to be a mythology fan to enjoy
glad you liked it :)

Ha Ha I wanna try one of these challenges! They sound really cool. And you did a FANTABULOUS job of doing the words nicely. They were put in great; if you hadn't high lighted them I wouldn't have been able to tell you were supposed to put them in there. I don't know much about this story, but I liked your new spin. I especially, absolutely adored, the first stanza and the last stanza. With the weeping willow and the man beneath her canopy...gosh it created great imagery and a smile on my face:) You never fail to make great poetry Alice. And plus, you make good poetry on greek mythology stuff. It feels more like you. Great job again! It was a fabulous read:D

Posted: May 28, 2008

Author Comment:

eeeeeps! i love your comments zoe! :D
*jumps up and down* yes, take the challenge! though lionheart is rather swamped with comments at the moment... so it might be a while before he gets to you. but its SO much fun! ha and you would be good at it! so give it a try :)
yay for liking the new spin! i like my spin on it too ^^ though i have met some mythology fans who don't like new spins. so thats why i have a warning just incase there are some of those people out there... and so far, i haven't come across any on here. everyone seems to enjoy mythology or if not enjoy it, at least enjoy the poem ^^
those stanzas were some of my favorites too. it was kind of a struggle when i started writing it b/c i wanted it to set up a story but not make perfect sense in the beginning, almost like a prologue in a novel, you know? it shows the story but you dont understand about half of it b/c it takes place later on in the novel? and then you get to the end and it all makes sense. i was trying to give it that effect. hm. don't know if it worked or not...
i'm rambling again. *sighs* haha
once again, thank you! :D

brilliant. beautifully written. seriously. good job. =)

Posted: May 28, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks hon ^^

very good work, the storyline is clear and well punctuated, great use of narrative in this as well. I hope to read your comments on my work soon. thanks for sharing.

Posted: May 29, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks wolffe!
i plan to get around to your works
sorry for the delay -_-'

Wow, that was amazing Alice!

You blew me away, you excelled beyond the challenge itself.

~DarkFairy~

Posted: May 29, 2008

Author Comment:

oh wow O.O excelled beyond... XD
haha thank you!!
take care dark fairy :)

Lol-- I forgot to comment on this one!!!!!! I gave it a like it press, though! But I really like it-- it's totally awesome:).

I could just see the the war starting-- all the men marching-- and then suddenly out of nowhere, clouds start to conjure coming fast like a tornado-- zipping across the sky-- I could see the blood... I could see the angel escaping wearing a dress the color of the sunset-- I could see the raven swooping in-- and then I could see the angel's lover sleeping under her tree... the grass swaying to an untimely breeze...

I love mythology too^_^-- part of the reason why I decided to take up Greek at my school. The declensions are really hard to learn-- I've pretty much given up... but I love the stories.

Lot's of special chocolate to 'ya,

Ghiradelli Girl.

Posted: May 30, 2008

Author Comment:

lol! well thank you for coming back to give it a comment! haha you're so sweet :)
you have such a vivid imagination! i loved how you described it because that pretty much how i saw it in my head too ^^
ooo greek! we have that at our school too, but i haven't taken it... i think i'm going to wind up taking latin instead. hmm.
anywho!
thanks so much ghiradelli girl! take care ^^

Very creative and well composed, did you read my one? PLease do. Alice, comme ci comme ca?

Posted: May 31, 2008

Author Comment:

Hm. I thought I did. But I'll be sure to stop by!
Merci Eric!!

it was totally wonderful!! i have always had a thing for mythology and especially greek mythology... anyway, it was really greaT! sorry it took so long for me to read/comment... anyway, keep on writing, alice!

Posted: May 31, 2008

Author Comment:

hahaha that's quite all right sally ^^ no rush :)
thank you for the sweet comment! so glad to hear that you enjoyed it. take care ^^

Lionheart
(not registered user)

What can i say?

Like dark fairy said: You "excelled beyond".

You did exactly what you sought out to do. You created a prologue with vague images of an epic tale of love and war.
You used a willow, which made me smile widely. I know you love willows. You put your being into this piece, it wasnt the real mythology but it was the stopry from your heart.
A beaituful tale that will be remembered for me. Great job, you showed me up badly... and i resent your replies to people where you were trying to get a reaction out of me hahHAHHhahhaha!!!!!!

There may be another challenge... but i dont know how to close this one...

Well done, i join Punishment, only i blow dandelions to twirl in a spectacular dance around the stage you have created.

[takes a bow] Its been a pleasure.

Posted: May 31, 2008

Author Comment:

hahahahaha!!! i was hoping for a reaction! haha =P

aw thanks lionheart ^^ hehe, i adore willow trees :) so glad that you enjoyed it and that it will be remembered! :D big smiles!
oo i hope you do open another challenge! i'd be willing to take it on head first, just dive in deep and go for it. whenever you do open another one up, you can count me in ^^
oo dandelions! those could entertain me for hours... o.O haha

THANK YOU LIONHEART! it's been a pleasure as well doing this poetry challenge ^^
take care :)

Awww, such a lovely sad, yet still romantic, poem. I love your imagery, I could just see the story unfold in my mind as I read. Wonderful!!

Stephanee :)

Posted: Jun 3, 2008

Author Comment:

aw thanks ^^ you're so sweet
take care stephanee ^^

This is really good.Well done.

Posted: Jun 4, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks ^^

OMG! Alice, that was a MASTERPIECE! The work of an expert poet. The imagery was very good, the thought was sensible and the rhyming words--a Plus! That was somewhat metrical. Lionheart must give you some sort of reward for a job well-done. ^^ Go and challenge him to grant you that. :-)

Posted: Jun 4, 2008

Author Comment:

hahaha!
ah, but you see, all these lovely comments - thats the only reward i need and want. ^^
this poem is one of my good poems - lol - unlike the Immobile one that everyone loves. haha! i think this poem here is one of my favorites that i've written and you're comment made me smile. XD
haha, flattering, but i'm no expert poet. i'm merely an average teenage girl in this thing called life who loves to write ^^
thanks for reading and commenting jadey oneil!
take care :)

Oh a beautiful story, quite captivating also. Though slightly unsettling god job :) Eternal Night

Posted: Jun 11, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks ^^

Hello,
once again i really liked ur poem. Very orignal and i beieve ur words easily resonate with the readers. Although i dont know a lot about mythology ur poem inspired me to look up gaia, and i am glad i did. Thankyou.
P.S the only small problem that i had with this one was that i felt it was a bit rushed. Individualy the stanza's were gr8 but a few in the middle seemed too abrubt. Hey maybe it was intentional and maybe i just like nit picking but when i read something so good i always wish that it were perfect.

Posted: Jun 11, 2008

Author Comment:

haha i know what you mean!! the more i read it through, the more i thought "hm well that went by awfully fast" - so i understand exactly what you mean! though at first i didnt really see it, it was something the more i read i noticed.
anyways
thank you!! glad you liked it ^^
(dont worry i havent forgotten about you. i'll get to your poetry ^^ just be patient lol)

Hello,
Hey i was just a little hurt that you think i would read ur poems just to get comments from you, believe me nothing is further from the truth. I really do like ur poems and i'll keep enjoying them even if u cant find the time to read my poems, this my dear is not a trade lol.

Posted: Jun 11, 2008

Author Comment:

lol, gah stupid internet! i'm sorry if it sounded that way - i wasn't implying that, i seriously wasn't. i just wanted to let you know that i hadn't forgotten about you b/c i know how it feels to be forgotten. and well, with the internet, its easy to misinterpret something. -_-'

wonderful story :)

Posted: Jun 29, 2008

Author Comment:

glad you think so ^^

awwwwww i like it.
tillz

Posted: Jul 2, 2008

Author Comment:

aw thanks hon ^^

That was so sad. I love that you really take in a profound consideration for your characters. A love that seemed unconventional. And when everyone was fighting they fleeted. Sort of a Romeo and Juliet for all eternity. The picture you chose really captured the beauty of their relationship as well as the world we live in.

Posted: Aug 25, 2008

Author Comment:

hm yes, but without the poison and dagger.. haha
every character is important :) no matter how big or small
thank you ^^

ah how i love mythology (:
your version of Gaia was very well!
i simply love your poems.
L. O. V. E.
:D

Posted: Aug 25, 2008

Author Comment:

wow! hahahaha! i had no idea you loved my poetry so much lol how very kind of you! ^^ thank you very much :)



Add Your Comments:

Your Name:

Spam protection control::

© Copyright 2008 Alice Oiseau All rights reserved. Alice Oiseau has granted theNextBigWriter, LLC non-exclusive rights to display this work on Booksie.com.

Add to Reading List
Become a fan
Email this story Email this story
Read/Write Reviews Read/Write Reviews
Print Story Print Story



Other writing by Alice Oiseau Let Me Be Your Willow December Stained in Autumn Her Four Seasons More..



Tags

Love, Poetry, Death, Life, Poem, Romance, Pain, Fantasy, Hope, Sad, Sex, Hate, God, Horror, War, Humor, Hurt, Sadness, Loss, Dark, Fiction, Depression, Heart, Family, Friendship.

About | News | Contact | Your Account | TheNextBigWriter | Advertise

© 2008 TheNextBigWriter, LLC. All Rights Reserved. Terms under which this service is provided to you. Privacy Policy.