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The Broken Heart

Poem By: Alice Oiseau
Poetry


A girl who dies from a broken heart. View table of contents...

 

Submitted: Mar 2, 2008    Reads: 122    Comments: 17    Likes: 1   


A broken, bitter, and bloody heart,
It bleeds and knows that it’s torn apart,
Dreams once were alive but insurmountable to strive,
Ameliorate this heart if you will,
Please do so now before it kills,
The hope is shattered,
The pieces fell apart with a loud clatter,
Eyes are swollen shut,
There’s a twisted feeling that staggers in the gut,
A broken, bitter, and bloody heart,
It’s too belated to go back to start,
If time could be erased,
Then sew this heart together again with black lace,
Turn back time and trace,
Search for the jubilation in her face,
It’s evanescence now,
It’s her time for a curtain call and bow,
Perhaps she’ll find bliss,
And forget the world that she’ll never miss,
All is silent and ceased,
Once an alluring and pulchritudinous life,
Now deceased,
That heart it was wounded too many times with a knife,
An innocent soul who battled a long strife,
Her heart just couldn’t take it,
Her smile, she couldn’t fake it,
A broken, bitter, and bloody heart,
Asphyxiated silence,
The misery was immortal and too intense,
There she’ll be six feet under,
There she’ll be in eternal slumber.


1

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Comments:

i envy your writing ability ):

Posted: Mar 2, 2008

Author Comment:

haha i'm not that good. but thanks.

superfootballstar
(not registered user)

I loved it i would love to read more of your work that was beautiful and i rewad your last comment you are that good!!!!!!

Posted: Mar 3, 2008

Author Comment:

thank you. you're too kind. =]

Nice job, I like the flow, every word just fell off of my tongue! ~ Nixie

Posted: Mar 4, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks!

haha your really damn good!

Posted: Mar 9, 2008

Author Comment:

haha thanks! you're too kind. ^_^

That was amazing, and I'd love to read some of your other stuff. I love this kind of poetry, it just calls out to me. You did a really great job and put a lot of emotion into it. Great job. :)

Posted: Mar 13, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks!

verry good. you're quite the talented one

Posted: Mar 21, 2008

Author Comment:

thank you so much

This is going to sound like a stupid question (and I am full of those) but are you open to constructive criticism?

Posted: Mar 27, 2008

Author Comment:

yes. i am. as long as u approach it nicely. i mean... i love constructive criticism b/c it helps me improve. but it wont help if you slam it and are mean about it. usually a gentle and nice hand that walks me thru what needs to be worked on is appreciated muchly.

I would never slam a writer. As the Russians say, that would be "nekulturny". I will start out by saying that your writing is very impressive. Your vocabulary, imagery, in short, your style is excellent. If there is one thing that I have discovered from running a creative writing club at my school, it is that you can very often tell the age of the writer by the content. I have not read all of your stuff yet (working on it, but have to prepare for tomorrows lessons!), but I am seeing a bit of a theme. The dark, broken hearted writings, which there seems to be plenty, usually point out an author of a certain age group. Of course, if that is also the audience you want to reach, then it works out great! I really do like your writing. I just wanted to point out that a recurring theme will limit your audience. I will shut up now. I assume you quit reading about 100 words ago. You know the old saying about everyone having opinions...:)

Posted: Mar 27, 2008

Author Comment:

ah ha i always read a review fully through. thank you for the great feedback. the poem was written in 8th grade (currently i'm in 10th) so its kind of old. 8th grade was my "emo" stage as some people label it. but thats interesting about a reoccuring theme. i'm definately going to keep a lookout for that now and find any other themes i tend to have. because after all, i need to expand my variety to have a wider audience. once again, thank you for the constructive criticism! you are more than welcome to offer your feedback on any other works of mine.
some things that you may not want to read... mainly b/c they are old and written 3-4 years ago: my novel life for a teen. it has the dark broken hearted theme and its just written poorly.
the only recent writings are some poetry, short stories, and my novel Eternal Realms. everything else is at least 3 years old. so i caution you when you read it. Growing up in Room 15 was recent, which is why it was written better. but some of my other writings aren't that good. just giving you a heads up.
anyway. because this response is ridiculously long and i dont know if you will read it, i'm going to stop here. but once again, thank you so much for the kind comment and constructive criticism. ^^

Oh this is real good.

Posted: Mar 31, 2008

Author Comment:

oh thank you. ^^

this is really good, i could really feel the emotion you tried to express!! You're such a great writer!! Great Poem@

Posted: Apr 12, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks!

HeeHee! likes it, likes it, likes it!
(ops, thinks Iz had too much sugar!)

Posted: Apr 16, 2008

Author Comment:

hahaha take it easy. thanks!

Gave it a "i Like it", Birdie
though I had to flip pages of dictionary for the meaning of some of the words.....

WoW ....

Posted: Apr 18, 2008

Author Comment:

ahahaha sorry about the big words!! XD
i can be rather nerdy b/c i actually like reading the thesaurus and dictionary to learn new words. hahahaha! its not a habit, i'm not that extreme! lol but whenever i go to write, i try to expand and stretch my vocab. glad you liked it!

Looking at the comments, I see that you said you wrote this when you were a little younger. I can see that, but there is alot of insight into your heart ache. I like it.

Posted: Apr 19, 2008

Author Comment:

thank you. yeah i wrote it about 3 years ago. i'm glad you like it =]

okay firstly, umm... what does Ameliorate, Asphyxiated, and pulchritudinousmean? other than that, this was another very good poem of yours! but one more thing, im not that 'a heart wounded many times by a knife' was very appropriate in this poem. i mean like that this was a poem was about a broken heart shattered by loss of hope, etc. so she was not murdered... i understand that this was figurative language, but perhaps just a little too gigurative? if that makes any sense, lol! anyway, very very good! i especially liked "Her heart just couldn’t take it,
Her smile, she couldn’t fake it,"... that was... deep! thats the word! lol,

Posted: May 13, 2008

Author Comment:

ameliorate: to heal, improve, make better
asphyxiated: suffocated
pulchritudinous: beautiful, alluring, attractive

thats a basic defination for each one. yes i agree with you on the knife comment. this is an older poem, and it seemed only then i could rhyme life with knife. haha. a little to figurative, yeah i can see that.
thank you for the lovely comment and feedback! ^^

Wow, this is great. Powerful- even kind of sad. i am humbled by your ability.
Two thumbs up.

Love
Ashleigh

Posted: May 14, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks! =]

wow! It is so sad but original and very good

Posted: Jun 29, 2008

Author Comment:

ha, original? it seems everyone writes about broken hearts lol but thank you very much. this is an older poem of mine. several years old... lol so i dont think its that good. haha but glad you liked it :)

err...kindda late to comment...hehe...but i loved it!
you're really talented!

nuttyz~

Posted: Jul 10, 2008

Author Comment:

haha you're never too late to comment ^^
thank you :)



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Love, Poetry, Death, Life, Poem, Romance, Pain, Fantasy, Hope, Sad, Sex, Hate, God, Horror, War, Humor, Hurt, Sadness, Loss, Dark, Fiction, Depression, Heart, Family, Friendship.

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