HEAVEN, IS IT WORTH IT? - Poetry Poetry - poem, heaven, hell

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HEAVEN, IS IT WORTH IT?

Poem By: Anna Therese
Poetry

Tags: heaven, hell, earth, poem, mamber, anna therese, challenge

MAmber's Challenge was the title as shown - compose a poem of 20 lines from that title.
OK I perhaps diverted a tad from my challenge because it was to be twenty lines or 4 stanzas (but instead of 4 stanzas of 5 lines I have done 5 stanzas of 4 lines!!! But 4 times 5 equals 20 whichever way you look at it?)
When I first read the suggested challenge topic I thought oh, I will have to be serious here but I went off on a different tangent...perhaps...anyway...hope you enjoy it! Ultimately the reader must be the judge! View table of contents...

Submitted: Jun 3, 2008 Reads: 72 Comments: 20 Likes: 13

I'll take you to heaven, she whispered

Whisk you away from your boring life and your mousy wife...

I drowned in the lure of her burning black eyes

Seeking the kingdom offered of scented passions and hot spice

*************************

Once a week I tripped to heaven in her bountiful arms

She pleased me and teased me and appeased me...

And when back on earth I yearned only for her charms

Like the devil she consumed me, heaven was where I wanted to be

**************************

Where have you been, my wife whispered

Little Johnny is sick, I need money for school trips...

Her voice droned around me, her faded eyes failed to move me

I wanted to fly back to heaven, kiss black eyes luscious red lips

******************************

Heaven grew more exciting, more inviting, inciting

Triple-dare-delight me, if you like me, come nightly...

My wife and children became strangers, my earth life was in danger

Black eyes had tricked me about heaven, fleeced me and lied to me

*****************************

I'll take you to heaven she whispered

I'll give you your chosen life, said my darling, darling wife

I'll have your money honey, she can have your fickle lovey dovey

And may you rot in black eyes lonely hell hole tonight!

13

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Comments:

Anna Therese

ohmygod what happened to the stanzas!!!
Twenty lines then!!!

Posted: Jun 3, 2008

Anna Therese

Did a little edit - stanzas now "sort of" in place!!!

Posted: Jun 3, 2008

indiefreak

That's one heaven i don't wanna go though it sounded so enticing... Great poem:)

Posted: Jun 4, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks Indie, was a bit of fun when I initially thought "oh, no gotta be serious"!!!!

Punishment

Oooh Heaven!!!!

...I'll just walk away now. XD

Posted: Jun 4, 2008

Author Comment:

But you are a romantic hence wouldn't be in that position? ta for reading.

gerabel

Refreshing spin on the title given, Anna! Very enjoyable... ha! ha! Peace and love.....Jerry

Posted: Jun 4, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks so much Jerry - may yet tackle a more serious response to MA's challenge?

air

^_^ heheheheeh! it was FANTASTIC Anna!
oh, you a great job!!!!
^_^
spicy and luring, the poor guy never had a chance Lol! ^_^

Posted: Jun 4, 2008

Author Comment:

Glad you liked it air - some people in relationships probably need to work harder to not let things get in a rut so that one or other partner isn't tempted to stray for a little excitement. Ye gads! Human nature is good creative fodder!

MAmberConrad

Oh, wow.
Totally what I wasn't expecting!
This is such an incredible poem, it speaks volumes to the reader. I like how you kinda switch back and forth from each point of view.

You took the challenge, took the bull by the horns, and totally delivered!

Great job.

MA

Posted: Jun 4, 2008

Author Comment:

MA I thought maybe I 'side-stepped' the challenge a little bit because my initial reaction was to be very serious and thoughtful! I found a challenge was wonderful to get the creative juices flowing so thank you! I may yet offer another version in time?

Pratibha

One hell I would say .....OH GOD i lost track of time....i was so absorbed with the hum drum....

wow wow wo.w.....

can i press 'i like it' more than once...??

Posted: Jun 4, 2008

Author Comment:

Pratibha I may yet do a "serious" response to MAmberconrad's challenge? I am a bit quirky so had lots of fun playing around with the title I was given to work with.

LeAnne

like a ballad!
i like ir!

Posted: Jun 4, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks Leanne, it is like a ballad, tells a story within a poem. Poetry doesn't always have to be deep and meaningful.

Classy Peach

So I think you know me well enough to have warned me before reading. haha! The good news is I've come a long way in life and do have different thoughts on lifes little epiphinaea.

First of all, your poetry is always so focused, original and warm. Your mind is always zooming. Zoom zoom zoom. I really enjoyed reading this and it was almost like a cobra was narrating it...hissing or black noise. Great rhyming. You've maneuvered your word choice very sneaky like to set the scene.

Some people are just pre-destined to be cheaters and that's all there is to it. Born to be. I believe it's not something you decide in life but "IT" decides on you. Bravo to the chosen who are capable of controlling it.

Thanks so much for sharing, I always enjoy your poetry. Even the dark.

Posted: Jun 4, 2008

Author Comment:

Classy such a wonderful and thoughtful comment. Ah yes, very sneaky was I to twist the "tone" of MA's challenge. Yet I may offer a serious response yet? (oh heck! What could be more serious than your wife and children walking out, wanting their portion of everything and leaving you to wallow in a den that is no longer pleasurable??)I thank MA for the challenge because without it this would not have been written!!

Tarot

I like the "tongue and cheek"-ness of it all. The line "Like the devil she consumed me, heaven was where I wanted to be" struck me as being particularly evocative. I may have to borrow it. *smirk*

Posted: Jun 4, 2008

Author Comment:

Tarot it was a bit tongue in cheek wasn't it? Almost as if I have been a woman scorned? (well no!)Thanks for reading and comment and I was so appreciative of you taking the time to read my first novel attempt with wise and helpful comment.

whitehart

Heaven...a cursed place...haha..loved it. Not what I expected either but totally love what you did with it. Lovely piece.

Posted: Jun 5, 2008

Author Comment:

As Classy hinted just a little side skip around the challenge - but all's fair with creative license - thanks for reading.

an0nym0us

impressive!!!
=]

Posted: Jun 5, 2008

Author Comment:

Why thank you! (I like your capital O's in AnOn for some reason!)

Lacey Cummings

Anna this is so wonderful! I had to give an evil little chuckle at the end. Your poems are always so inviting and this one lured me in.

Posted: Jun 5, 2008

Author Comment:

Lacey prhaps I am the one with burning black eyes then?? "inviting,inciting.." !! Thanks for reading.

Jbortti

Great , great ! Beautiful poems and you did great . I have broken the rules in my challenge , but you showed me that is possible to make beautiful things with short lines.

Posted: Jun 5, 2008

Author Comment:

Jborrti a very generous comment as always.

Urja

Wow, what a wicked little twist on the title! A thoroughly enjoyable poem. I liked your style of effortless rhyming - gives a very natural flow to the narration. I would have ended up making it sound quite stilted.

Posted: Jun 5, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks so much Urja - I think with rhyming if it comes easy it is probably OK - if we have to stop and think about it too long and "find" words it is probably going to sound forced.

Naughty girl

Hell, I don't care about stanza and number of libnes, I care about the poem, the story. That was good. The man in the story wanted to have the cake and eat it to, and in the end he got what he deserved. Good for him, and good for the wife to kick the SOB out.

In other words I liked the moral.

Posted: Jun 5, 2008

Author Comment:

Naughty girl thanks so much for reading and lovely comment - it is true formatting is not the main thing but sometimes if the formatting is dreadful we perhaps avoid reading??

Alice Oiseau

Eeeps! Well then, that was unexpected. Haha! But I absolutely loooooove the twist you created. Grr and Tarot quoted my favorite line! I wanted to do that.

"Like the devil she consumed me, heaven was where I wanted to be"

Ha. There. Now I've quoted it too. Haha, alrighty. Back to the poem - it was written sooo well. I think as it progressed it built up more and more and even reached a climax like a story. Some poetry doesn't always do that - so kudos to you, my friend ^^

Keep up the wonderful writing Anna!! :)

Posted: Jun 7, 2008

Author Comment:

All poetry is different Alice that is the sheer joy of reading it! Now and again I like to write in ballad style and tell a little story! Thanks so much for reading.

craaig

A fun challenge, eh? Very good poem with a good twist. It stands alone from any challenge.

I had my stanzas melded together on my latest response to a challenge. This on-line worst-processor leaves alot to be desired. Oh well, wadaya want fer nuthin'?

craaig

Posted: Jun 13, 2008

Author Comment:

I take my hats off to those who seem to be able to manipulate the booksie formatting "on-line processor" as you say - seems to spit mine out in all sorts of fun ways!! Glad you enjoyed the poem, I have aanother challenge to complete but can't wrap my head around it et (sorry Hilarious, it will probably come when everyone has forgotten about the challenge!)Thanks Craaig.

ScatterBrain

Keep thinking outside the box. Ted

Posted: Jun 28, 2008

Author Comment:

Imagination rocks Ted! (Did you find a little hint of "sarcasm"..perhaps?)

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