Submitted: Sep 3, 2008
Reads: 72
Comments: 25
Likes: 12
What girl will I slip into today?
Shall I adorn me
with magnetic baubles
clinging admirers
trying to absorb me
(and I them
so others may see me
not my humming accessories)
**
Shall I dress me careful,
creative
touch of gentle hands
moulds true beauty
beyond the clamouring baubles
(surprising even me)
…or colour me
crass and carefree
glossy magazine
Halloween queen
illuminate me,
dolly dazzle
transform mundane
to out there
…
look at me
look at me
**
Shall I drape me with he
like a sorcerer
wear my lover
under my skin
where nobody else can find him
his delicate warmth
held snugly
where I like it
bends when I bend
sways sweetly with me
stays with me
he cannot slip out of me
easily
has no clue
either
what girl he is in
**
(Can I roll on
a pinch
of normal
eat breakfast and tea
scrub the bathroom
smell the flowers
punch in fruitful hours
What girl will I slip into today?Shall I adorn me
with magnetic baubles
clinging admirers
trying to absorb me
(and I them
so others may see me
not my humming accessories)
**
Shall I dress me
creative -
caring, gentle folds
genuine, rich beauty
beyond the clamouring baubles
(surprising even me)
…or colour me
crass and carefree
glossy magazine
Halloween queen
illuminate me,
dolly dazzle
transform mundane
to out there
…
look at me
look at me
**
Shall I drape me with he
abracadabra
wear my lover
under my skin
where nobody else can find him
his delicate warmth
held snugly
where I like it
bends when I bend
sways sweetly with me
stays with me
he cannot slip out of me
easily
has no clue
either
what girl he is in
**
(Can I roll on
a pinch
of normal
eat breakfast and tea
scrub the bathroom
smell the flowers
punch in fruitful hours
turn on the TV)
What Girl - Copyright AT, 2008
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Comments:
Yikes, added a word rich and all the formatting went crazy..as well rich ran into the next word - must have been a lie!
Posted: Sep 3, 2008
Ohh Anna I love it!
of course my best part was about the sourcerer :)
it is terifically written, and we are like this as well. every time we dress, 'how whould we be today' ? you know? but Ah to wear the 'lover' ;) ooh
we can indeed be anything.
this is a marvelous poem.
this novel, it is in the making yes?
Posted: Sep 3, 2008
Thank-you for inviting me to read this Anna. It too brings back memories. I used to love the different "looks" that I took on when I dressed and that sometimes spilled over into my behaviour.
I chuckled as I remembered the exasperated look on a Consultants face as he said " I never know just who is going to walk through the door, how can anyone ever know you?"
I didn't say so but I thought "Exactly, that is what keeps me going, when common sense tells me to turn and flee! I also thought but didn't say "... and I chose you to help me survive in this Mad House of a workplace!"
These days it is harder to "ring the changes" and my daughter looks so askance at my choice of clothes when I do break out! Red Hat Ladies are my one escape!
Thanks for the memories, your Post came just after I found a photo of myself at nineteen and I was wondering where the time had fled!
Kind regards,
Susan
Posted: Sep 3, 2008
ooh came in to fix up the format before anyone read - but that's fine! Now I can have fun responding to your comments.
Posted: Sep 3, 2008
Comment on Comment ! Does anyone really, Anna (have a full sense of who they are)? I suspect we all project images of who we would like to be or worse still who others think we are or should be.
I'll plead guilty to warm and caring but just LUV the idea if vibrant! Thank-you for the compliment. I tend to see Urja when I hear/see the word vibrant.
Kind regards,
Susan
Posted: Sep 3, 2008
Comment on comment on comment. Ah! It's those marriage and inter-marriage relationships that do you in! I can relate to that.
Kind regards,
Susan
Posted: Sep 3, 2008
Hi Anna, looks like your black cat has really got your creative juices flowing!
I found the first stanza very, very interesting. First you talked about magnetic baubles in the form of clinging admirers trying to absorb you; then you turned the sentence around, 'and I them', which brought a huge grin to my face - what an charmingly narcissistic statement - you aborb them 'so others may see me, not my humming accessories'!
The second stanza, in my opinion, needs some work - I feel that there is an overuse of alliteration, a malady that afflicts me quite often too! But I love the sentences: 'color me crass and carefree' and 'transform mundane to out there'.
The one about wearing your lover under your skin is pure magic! I don't even want to talk about it, it is simply enchanting.
The last stanza, though low key compared to the others, really takes the cake. It talks of a normal, everyday girl who has been playing her own fairy godmother in the previous stanzas, and is now back into her humdrum existence, but with the knowledge that she can transform herself whenever she likes.
Haha, I love the idea of vibrant! And I agree with you - I perceive Susan as one too - both vibrant and mellow at the same time! Peachy and I are vibrant and insane!
Posted: Sep 3, 2008
Anna Therese:
Most effectively descriptive and mysterious. In conveying deep emotional feelings of intimacy and passion. Imagery is most vivid as well. Gave it an "I Like It" vote.
Happy trails,
Ed Bradley.
Posted: Sep 3, 2008
I don't feel that every single piece of work that we write and post has to be broken down line by line to explain what the hidden meaning really is for each commenter! Like colors, clothing and jewelry, interpreting one's poetry is very personal and individual and what may be happy and joyful for one can be melancholy and depressing for another.
So let me merely say that I loved this piece, Anna Therese!! Your arrangement of words and how they spoke to me as I read, brought me back thirty years to the days when I could change how people percieved me by the way I looked on any given day or night! We not only wear cotton on our sleeves... we wear our hearts there as well!!
'What Girl' are you today, my lovely?............Jerry
Posted: Sep 4, 2008
i'm not sure which girl you may become today but grrrrrrr
Posted: Sep 4, 2008
Wow. I love it. I, too, get caught up in the "Who am I today." I try to keep it simple, but...Like I said in my profile-my Tshirts are a billboard to who I am sometimes-and sometimes their just Tshirts. Thanks for sharing. Sorry it has taken a while. Read My News and it will explain, Take Care, Ted
Posted: Sep 4, 2008
Excellent, Anna.
after eavesdropping on your comments and replies, i have to say that i'm grateful that you came back to creativity.
It must have missed you for here it blessed you.
craaig
Posted: Sep 5, 2008
WOW.....THIS IS THE POEM FROM SOUL....
he cannot slip out of me
easily
has no clue
either
what girl he is in
After reading this wonderful version of ur lovely thoughts, my next poem "I met myself" would sound so childish...lol...
I thoroughly enjoyed that last paragraph....that was my fav....
U never never STOP surprising us....with varied ideas and imagination...
waiting for a brighter snap of urs eagerly...waiting to meet the 'girl within you"
Posted: Sep 5, 2008
Well my oh my. Isn't this little ditty about all of us lovely ladies? I must say so. I am someone different every day. (as a matter of fact, just today my boss said "there are not many women like you"). I giggled, then cried on my way home (that's a whole other story) (sad sigh).
I love how you snuck some erotica in here, just subtly enough to get my senses hopping.
The best part of this poem, is that it's ALL UP TO YOU. yeeehawwwww!
Great writing and a pleasant piece on your already appealing and rewarding profile AT.
Posted: Sep 5, 2008
Ha ha ha
Ho ho ho
what a place to be . . .
In the supermarket, in bed or up on the high street --
Whence my thoughts flow with iambic or anapestic beat.
It happens all the time.
I notice when they rhyme.
When i really clock it,
paper/pen in pocket
My thoughts soon leave my head;
Then home without the bread
Daft poets, of our ilk,
Drink coffee without milk.
craaig
(another bird of a feather)
Posted: Sep 5, 2008
Anna, I keep coming back to this poem, it is so much fun! Hahaha.... you know what, if a poem or an idea for a story or just a snazzy sentence hits me when I am at a supermarket, I immediately jot it down in a notepad which I always carry! Some of my best (which is not on booksie) was conceived that way. Have a great weekend.
Posted: Sep 5, 2008
You know, sometimes I'm not sure just who I am.
I struggle with my faith, my spiritual life, and with the way things are today. Things just change so much, even myself. I've changed a bit over the years. I once read somewhere, "Good judgment comes from experience, Experience comes from bad judgment."
It's all about our experiences that somewhat shapes us today. It may not necessarily define who we are, but I do think that it defines who we aren't.
MA
Posted: Sep 6, 2008
This was a delicately crafted and a finely woven piece of work. Your choice of words were spectacular, and I particularly enjoyed the tone you wrote this in. It sounds very very poetic but at the same time very personal and sympathetic. I agree with Urja, however, that the alliteration in the second stanza was a bit excessive, that it almost makes it more awkward on the tongue.
So far in reading the poem, I interpret it as a girl who dresses (through that act) like different people from day to day, wonders if she can just be the "normal." This always makes me wonder about the difference between what others perceive one to be, and who that person really "is".
Overall I think this was one of the finest pieces I've seen on booksie so far (no joke!). I enjoyed this immensely, and I am looking forward to your novel (although one poem per chapter may get a little bit tiring or repetitive for the reader after a while? Haha just a thought)
Posted: Sep 6, 2008
Amended version!!
Thanks Urja & Controverse, much happier with this one.
Posted: Sep 7, 2008
^_^ Oh YES! I like it even more ^_^
Anna, Anna, Anna, this poem is now SPECTACULAR!!!
Posted: Sep 7, 2008
Oh I definitely see the difference. But it's hard to hard to read this while I have the old one still in mind...HmMmMmMm. I do like this a lot better, and I see a lot of improvement in the second stanza, and the alliteration you do have there now really amplify the poem. The only thing I still see is the line "caring, gentle folds/genuine, rich beauty" which still sounds a little trippy on the tongue. I think that's the "gentle..genuine" alliteration there. Other than that, I think this was very well done and indeed an improved version (although I'm undecided about the "abracadbra" still ha)
Posted: Sep 8, 2008
Hm. I love this poem and wish you would leave the unedited version below it ...maybe? I love abracadabra, because some days we, as moms, girlfriends, lovers, wives, sisters (whatever may be)...must simply make magic happen. No question about it. All while being beautiful too! Why the hell not!???
AT, this is such a clever poem! You dirty devil, i can just imagine a novel with an astute and amusing poem preluding each chapter. The brothel right? Sounds perfect.
Posted: Sep 8, 2008
If you aren't already tired of the many "What Girl" versions here is another!!!!
Alas, posting one in on top had format pitfalls.
Enjoy!
Posted: Sep 9, 2008
Anna Therese you saucy thing. Version 2! What the heck? (what girl he is in)
wooopeee!
I can't stand this, I don't know which one I like best. I agree with the writing novel compared to poetry, it just won't happen for me (darn poetic tongue!). The reader may need to brush all the sweetness off their teeth after reading a novel that a poet writes! ha!
I'm certain you're still mingling with this one. You are having much too much fun to let it sit just yet.
I think my winner is version 2. Love it AT.
Posted: Sep 9, 2008
Hi Anna, I'm back after some days and I can see that I've been missing a lot of fun! I have several comments to make:
1. I think that the lines, 'sprinkle me with sparkles, splash on spiky stars' in stanza-2 of version-1 was the good part in that stanza, the gentle/genuine and the allied parts being the 'trippy' ones, as Controverse had so aptly mentioned there - I think you need to reintroduce those lines.
2. I also think that the reason why stanza-2 sounds a bit off-key (not in itself, but compared to the others) is that in the first part in that stanza you seem to be trying to portray a classy, elegant version of the girl, someone who is a lady; but the way the sentences are structured, it is more or less in the same style as in the other stanzas - perhaps you could try to word the first half of the stanza in a style more suited to the mood the girl is projecting?
3. I think that the reason why you are trying to make changes in the poems based on people's suggestions is not because you are not confident, but because deep down you are serious abour your work - for instance - I am terribly lazy - once I've strung words together, I would find it very difficult to edit it even when I know that it really needs editing; I think it shows a discipline of the mind rather than lack of confidence that you are actually making efforts on what you write - and that is a sign that you are seriously more likely to produce work of worth compared to the rest of us, who just let our whims and fancies dictate what we write.
4. I love the way Controverse thinks.
5. You must think me totally nuts.
Posted: Sep 10, 2008
