I Wish I Had What You Imagine

I wish I had what you imagine

That brutal fire that burns in your eyes

I wish I had what you can think of

My heart would glow with your passion

I want what you say you know

Your beauty hidden inside

The things you understand I want to hold

Your power suppresses my desire for you

I want everything that you could be

I say this with love, not envy

This time I mean just what you think

The fountain of sorrow, I no longer drink

You tell me all these possibilities

And I respond with harsh hostilities

I can’t tell you how much I desire

That hidden talent

That burning fire

I crave your love

Your strength

Your passion

Your talent

I need this don’t you see

I can’t live on

From dusk till dawn

Without something there for me

You tell me I am there

At the top of my game

I cry for your interpretations bring me shame

Your face is kind and your heart is apathetic

Then why do I sit here completely silhouetted

I am there for you and need what you have

But my heart cannot place the salve

Without a whole, you have nothing to bear

Without a toll, you have nothing to learn

I need a person to look into and feel

I need my soul to be real

I need what you have

To know that the difference is in me

I need to know that someone is thinking

I wish I had what you imagine

Comments:

darlingILY

Hm..It was good. Unlike what you were saying earlier. Though, it's quite sustained && doesn't get to the point..uh, how do I say it..I just don't feel much emotions, I know you wrote this with strong emotions, but your choice of words just doesn't convey those emotions. Try using bigger words, rather than small, repetitive words. Play with the scenery using your words. Idk, this strikes your point with very feeble passion, almost undetected. For a poem to be good, it had to reach and grasp whatever’s in your reader’s chest. Grasp it and squeeze it with emotions. && for a poem to do that, it has to be abundant of feelings and emotions. Use your words to say what you want not describe it, or elongate the poem. Why not try short poems, it doesn’t have to be as complex as if Shakespeare wrote it. && also try common subjects, everyone starts there. I, even, started from silly subjects. I really really hope I helped. Goodluck. =]

Posted: Jun 22, 2008

Author Comment:

Thnaks baby cakes

bubbly

hi! arch. what a colorful poem. is red a warning sign or a color to complmenting two persons.

its about time u began appreciating ur own talent. keep going. lol. ;-)

Posted: Jun 23, 2008

Author Comment:

Wow thats deep and thanks but I dont have any really good talents. I just write to try and get better. But I dont really get that good even when I try. I do try and I guess thats all that really counts right?

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