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"Autumn Day"

Poem By: Azmat Shah
Poetry


nature has always intrigued me it has always served as an inspiration for my poetry. This poem is completely metaphorical and symbolic, it very personal for me and among my favourates. View table of contents...

 

Submitted: Jun 10, 2008    Reads: 63    Comments: 8    Likes: 4   


A tender leaf that has been plucked from branches up above,

seeks purchase in the howling wind which knows only how to shove,

down and down it flutters, flailing to prevent its fall,

rustling endlessly to alert the trees like sentinals standing tall.

But one small leaf canot be heard above so many sounds,

chirping birds and munching beasts feast on its cries afore it hits the ground,

finally with a mighty crack it hits its knarly grave,

lying on a bed of desolution with other dying braves.

One final time it gazes up to stare at its former abode,

all of its life its stuck to friends but has ended up alone,

the Sun which once was channelled through and nurchered in its veins,

now burns the very flesh that held the strength to make it tame.

So when my friend you take a stroll upon an Autumn's day,

among the naked trees with branches bereft and bare,

perhaps you'll spare a lonesome thought for the corpses at your feet,

those oh so woeful leaves whom fate did not so kindly treat.


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Comments:

Oh this is beautiful!!! This is my take on it, I might be wrong but I always tend to look for deeper meanings....

Something as simple as a fallen leave goes unnoticed to most people. could this be a person? Someone who was once known by all but now faded?

Could the end be a reminder to all to take life slow and to take notice of people around you?

I love the flow in this poem ,the way you describe it falling to the ground.

Beautiful

Posted: Jun 10, 2008

Author Comment:

Thankyou dom,
bingo you hit the bullseye, that was one of the meanings of my poem. Read it again and see if you can spot the other two.

This was one of the most moving and beautiful poems I have ever read. I never thought of leaves that way before but it is true. When I pull dead leaves off my houseplants I have never given them a thought, but now I will because of your poem.

Posted: Jun 10, 2008

Author Comment:

Thankyou so much Susan, WOW you've made my day.

You are giving me a run for my money with metaphors little sister! Yeesh! Love it.

Sometimes life is given to you to deliver yourself through a multitude or myriad of seas of loneliness. Azmat, are you lonely? There is a huge diff between being alone and being lonely. The strength of this leaf is as follows: In a crowd of acquaintances: could never feel lonelier. The acquaintances are mobs (the mob mentality: insert here)(you know, they grow and get meaner).
finally with a mighty crack it hits its knarly grave >> my fav line. It's not a grave, it's a time in life when you start to choose your friends and experience incredible let down with the current/past-worthy people in your life. You've decided YOU will now choose your friends. Takes a while to learn that in life. Why would you wanna be heard by these people anyway? Jerks.

This is all such beautiful imagery. Running through leaves is a breathtaking experience in life and many people forget to do that. The 3rd season. Before you prepare yourself for the cold of winter. The 3rd season, when school starts again.

The good news is...you discover at the end that you are alone and NOT lonely. More good news, you still have years and years of life left to make friends that run through the leaves with you and then you fall on your knees and laugh like crazy-ass and you will wonder why the opinions of others ever really weighed on your soul.

Also, I love how you metaphorically refer to the author as tender. Tenderness is divine and only steeps and saturates as you mature.

Your fate has been unfurled, but only a quarter of the way.

This could also reveal a story of 2 friends who've shared a secret and one broke the promise.

Anyway, i could be way off base, and if I am, well I really don't apologize because this is how I read YOUR poem. It is your poem. And it's a beauty.
Cheers.

Posted: Jun 10, 2008

Author Comment:

Hello peachy,
Thankyou so much for this lovely comment. How right u are being alone is so different from being lonely, believe me i know. To tell you the truth i never intended this one to be about me but in the end it came out like this. I have never really been betrayed by friends or family but i have never been understood. Their are just so many restrictions on my life, relegious, cultural, social, i guess my poems are the only outlet i have. They are the only breath of sanity in this insane part of the world where i am.
Please dont think badly of my friends or family its hard for them to understand someone whose sole ambition in life is to write. Hell everyone i know is eighther a doctor or an engineer,or married with kids lol i am the only odd one out. But i like that, i believe i am an individual and have the courage to be unique in a world where everyone is trying to ape each other.

"A tender leaf that has been plucked from branches up above,

seeks purchase in the howling wind which knows only how to shove,"
I tend to agree with Classy Peach. Reading it again I thought of the leave as you. Tender , kind and being shoved around. Pushed away.

Falling - the way you described it in so much detail
mean that you have fallen emotionaly. Got hurt and that's when you hit the ground.

"the Sun which once was channelled through and nurchered in its veins,

now burns the very flesh that held the strength to make it tame."

The people who once held you up, supported you or the resources that gave you strength, you feel like everything is gone now. Or people are stabbing you in the back. Kicking you while you down.


"So when my friend you take a stroll upon an Autumn's day,

among the naked trees with branches bereft and bare,

perhaps you'll spare a lonesome thought for the corpses at your feet,

those oh so woeful leaves whom fate did not so kindly treat."

A cry for help.....

I don't know much but this is what i thought.....





Posted: Jun 11, 2008

Author Comment:

Hello,
Now that i think about it you are both right. I didn't intend to write this poem about me but it sort of ended up this way. No wonder i always felt like this was somehow too personal. You guys have opened my eyes, Thanx.

hi! azmat. when human beings r left to rot in life and after, a poor leaf is but a leaf. a parallel with real life is touching. in today's busy life, the cleaner'd assign the leaf to its fateful abode - a garbage bin. u give me plenty to think about. ;-)

Posted: Jun 11, 2008

Author Comment:

Thankyou once again sweetie pie for taking the time out to read my poems. I am glad i gave u something to think about. By the way i am writing a poem to you, its going to be the last in a trilogy of poems that i have written to three of my most special friends on Booksie, i hope you love it.
P.S this one will be a happy poem so dont worry lol.

i UNDERSTOOD THIS ONE....but i am sure someone as positive and vibrant as you would never stay in this tender state as that 'tender leaf' and i am sure with a soul as rich as urs, you would always soar higher and never touch ground.

I went beyond ur poem....am i right??

Posted: Jun 13, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanx, and you are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT lol.

This also taeched all of us to love ourselves and to nurture our own soul rather than depending on external factors to cheer us up....because when we r lonely, ony we r with us.....

i took a long time to understand this simple thing which My MOM kept on saying ....

Posted: Jun 13, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanx for always being here Pratibha, and thankyou for sharing ur wisdom.

I like the alliteration in line three: flutters, flailing, fall. This alliteration gives an aural character to the image of the falling leaf. I enjoyed the consonance in line fourteen as well: branches, bereft, bare. The plusive "b-sound" alluded to the chilly days of last autumn as winter approaches and reinforced the image of the naked trees.

The following are spelling errors I found which detract from my fully enjoying your poem with their corrections: sentinals = sentinels, canot = can not, nurchered = nurtured, desolution = desolation. I would trim line one down to: "A tender leaf plucked from branches up above". You lose nothing of the meaning of the first line by deleting the phrase "that has been".

Point of note: Avoid adverbs whenever possible.

Line two is an awkward construction. "rustling endlessly to alert the trees like sentinals standing tall" Your subject is the falling leaf so why use a simile to describe the trees? Consider: "a rustle beseeching the trees one and all"

"Put statements in positive form. Make definite assertions. Avoid tame, colorless, hesitating, noncommittal language. Use the word 'not' as a means of denial or in antithesis, never as a means of evasion." - William Strunk Jr.

In line five, I would consider changing "can not be heard" to something like "drowned".

In the final line, I would look at the phrase "not so kindly treat". Consider the word "cheat" as a replacement. Therefore, "those oh so woeful leaves whom fate did cheat"

This is an excellent rough draft. I enjoyed the sentiment of the poem and the layered meanings. Take care.

Posted: Jun 16, 2008

Author Comment:

Hello,
thank you so much for such an in depth analysis, yeah i know its a shame about the spelling mistakes but the truth is i am a completely horrid typist and after laboring on the computer trying to put my words on Booksie i am usually too frustrated to make corrections but you are right i will try harder. As for your suggestions, i will certainly change line 1 and line five, you are right about those. On the other hand i think I'll retain the last verse as it is, you see the way i see it, every leaf knows that fate is going to treat it badly come Autumn, so there is no question of fate "cheating", is there.
I hope you'll keep reading my work and giving me advice i really appreciate it. It can only improve my work. And about the line with the trees standing like sentinels well i wanted to portray the fact that although the leaf was part of them, even they watch quietly as it flutters helplessly to the ground, shouting for their aid. In the end it is all alone.



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