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End Of Time

Poem By: Azmat Shah
Poetry


Tags: poem, death, kiss

i wrote this poem as a commentary on the condition of the world today as i see it. View table of contents...

 

Submitted: Dec 18, 2007    Reads: 66    Comments: 4    Likes: 3   


                                                         

 

Too many secrets weary eyes can often never hold,

the pain of shame and guilt my friend will finally unfold,

virginal tears of self remorse shall wash away your joy,

there is no place to run and hide, you canot be coy.

 

Life has finally come full circle it canot be broken,

resistance will precede the end it is merely token,

fallen roses litter the earth around the shallow grave,

countless lie in deprivation both cowardly and brave.

 

A fighting spirit has been crushed below gargantuan weight,

agonising indecision merely confirm your wretched fate,

Oh my friend tis far too late to make a final stand,

remnants of your former strength lie littered like the sand.

 

This is the day when the sky will fall, the earth will finally rise,

bastions of more peaceful times destructively collide,

anarchy and hatred decimate, engulf, enshroud,

the rumbling thunder of discontent explodes within the clouds.

 

It is the time when a rougish few control the will of man,

bloody tears caress the earth covering all the land,

and in this hour deceptive lies shall prey upon the truth,

the seed of evil sown long ago will finally bear fruit.

 

A blessed few are all thats left, they fight a lonely cause,

like flickering candles in the night they never really pause,

alas the moonless night will hunt, the wicked shall prevail,

for on this bleakest of all morns, the devil drops his veil.

 

The scourge of death has been unleashed upon all life this day,

one last time the curtain falls the soothsayer has his say,

For on the morrow angels weep, as they are surely next,

even they canot escape the end they must face the KISS OF DEATH.


3

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Comments:

hi! azmat. u've have a grand style of old. do angels die. sure death, finality, end, (no matter what u call it) is a reality. ;-)

Posted: May 14, 2008

Author Comment:

hi,
thankyou very much for taking the time out to read my work. Well anyway the use of angel in this poem is totally symbolic, it basically denotes all goodness and purity. I was very happy you took them in the literal sense. My main aim in writing poetry is to write poems which mean different things to different people and it seems as if i achieved that.

Too many secrets weary eyes can often never hold
Secrets in our weary eyes.

the pain of shame and guilt my friend will finally unfold,
Of guilt and shameful lies.

virginal tears of self remorse shall wash away your joy
Remorseful washing of my skin

there is no place to run and hide, you canot be coy.
Seek redemption earn demise.

The beat was off in the first stanza.
Wow, you've got alot to say in this intellectual and extremely thought out poem!!

I think you need a bit less rhyme in this one. I felt I needed to use voice influx and that took away from the very astute and seriousness of your thoughts.

WHat if for each couplet stanza, you used 6 rhyming words instead of 8 rhyming words. That way you've given the reader a chance to devour all the information you are giving out.

I may be back to look at this one again. I'll wait for your reaction first.

I like it.

Posted: May 17, 2008

Author Comment:

Hello,
thankyou so much for taking the time out to give me such an in depth critique.
In response to your greviances i just wanted to say that this poem was inspired by the theological aspects of the appocalypse. I wanted to stress upon facts that are common to all relegions for ultimately we are all one, no matter our race.
Secondly i wanted this piece to rhyme because i wanted it to have an old world quality. So much of the poetry today is modern with short hard hitiing verses, i just wanted to stray in another direction. I wanted to narrate a story.
This poem is actually alot longer than this, i just included the very begining of it. I knew not many people would like to read something protracted. I know stuff like the iliad has sadly gone out of style.

Hi. When I read this here, sitting in Canada, I couldn't help but notice the flow was off a couple of times. And yes, I do not share my lengthy poetry on this site as I'm certain not many would read it. But YOU should take great comfort in the fact that you write for the serenity it gives you, not everyone else. I think many people forget that writing is your own personal sanctuary and it's not up to someone else to decide if it fails or shines. It also is hard to imagine the difference between living in our 2 countries and poetry like yours is a very good reminder to someone like me.

Also, I think to have an effect of old world you may need to use more dramatics/emphasis, so that I actually feel the smack in the forehead of the old world style.

Respecting,
Peach

Posted: May 18, 2008

Author Comment:

Thankyou again for sharing your thoughts with me. I will keep everything you have said in mind. This particular poem was written when i was just 15 and hating life in boarding school. I know it needs work but i didnt feel like touching it, its just too personal.

This is beautiful writing.

Posted: May 27, 2008

Author Comment:

Thankyou so much, you've really spoiled me with all ur lovely compliments lol.



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