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The Lonely Lady

Poem By: Azmat Shah
Poetry


Another melancholy poem of mine, would you believe i am not as unhappy as my poems make me seem lol. View table of contents...

 

Submitted: May 18, 2008    Reads: 63    Comments: 6    Likes: 5   


Her veil of lashes oh so thick,

conceals an anguish centuries old,

so unabashed the glaring truth,

yet all this time its been untold.

She sits atop the rolling stone,

and gazes out as time unfolds,

while howling winds and merciless waves,

devour what's left  of her abode.

Far away the setting Sun,

descends beyond the horizon,

the dying embers of light they fight,

as darkness conquers all in sight.

With despondent eyes she gazes up,

and views the sun that almost gone,

the evening sky is ripe and red

with lingering light thats almost dead.

But still she has some moments left,

before her final breath is spent,

and with that final breath she prays,

for light, for peace, for warmth again.

As eyelids descend a teardrop falls,

unseen, unheeded, its all but gone

beyond the abyss where silence calls

the final breath has thus been drawn.

she lies atop her rolling stone,

unmoving, limp, and all alone,

as waves rise up from oceans deep,

to carry her off in thier embrace.

Across the sea's of time they race,

To take her to her resting place.


5

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Comments:

this was truly beautiful. I loved the images you described, and the words you used. It was special. Please check out my works too, if you have some time.

Posted: May 18, 2008

Author Comment:

Thankyou you for going to the trouble of commenting. I am glad you liked my poem. i will check out your work as soon as possible, i promise.

Way to go! Awesome and this literary piece stands tall, be proud! The first line is so luring! A woman looks back on her life and is happy for all the goodness she's been priviledged with, but true to life, it all ends in the closing of an eye, for good. Methaphorically the rolling stone representing her life...yay! (well, that's how I've read this anyway).

Posted: May 18, 2008

Author Comment:

Thankyou so much. Its always a pleasure hearing from someone who understands what i want to portray. I hope you like my other poems just as much.

This was beautiful, Azmat. You truly are a gifted writer.

Posted: Jun 10, 2008

Author Comment:

Thankyou Susan, ur belief in my limited talent is very sweet. Thanks for being a friend.
Love Azmat!

You're better ^^

Posted: Jun 22, 2008

Author Comment:

Thankyou, hey i was just joking. you just made my day, you don't know how good it makes me feel to know that you like my poem. Now if only you'll get a little more generous with your words we'll be the best of friends lol.

Perhaps we like melancholia because it has more depth, more dimensions? Happiness and ecstacy, somehow, seem a bit more superficial as emotions standing on their own - they are outcomes of some efforts that we have made, and the efforts are what seem more worth writing about. I guess that's why many of us are more drawn towards writing melancholy poems (at least I can speak for myself). I don't know whether I've been able to convey what I'm trying to say, and I'm rambling anyway. Coming to the point, I loved this poem. There's only one place where I felt that change might help: in 'As eyelids descend a teardrop falls', if you substitute 'descend' with 'droop', it will improve the rhythm of the poem.

Posted: Jul 4, 2008

I usually leave the people who hate me a little message above my comment and here it is:
Check my page. Azmat asked for this.

Right ho first of I struggled to find a poem of yours I wanted to read. Your titles were all rather bland to me.
Nothing struck me. the fact that most of it seems to be the usuall poetry of depression didn't help your cause.
I settled here because your title bit me and wouldn't let go.

Now I must say melancholy is a very misunderstood word and its one I personally cannot give your poem. I coudl think of plenty but 'regret' sticks out to me the most.
Your wording like 'limp', the reptition of 'final' and 'dispondent' amek it seem to me that regrets the end that is coming.

Next up: I have usually given up on flow in poems. You have the concept nailed. You know how flow and rythem should work but putting it into practice is where you struggle.
It felt to me like you were trying too hard. It is good to create flow but forcing it is worse than none.
Always have your vision clearly in your mind and let the words suit what you want, never bend the vision for a flowery word. EVER.

By the way the use of the using a ripe evening sky seemed a very odd choice.
The idea of 'ripe' seemed completely out of place to me. Ripe means to me good, tastey and wholesome. Its symbology is entirely to upbeat and warm for the rest of your poem.

Ranting aside I did enjoy your portrayel. There were moments of really stunning writing in there.
Though I personally would change one line.
'to carry her off in thier embrace.'
i would go with this:
"born away in embrace to eternal sleep"
This would change the ending rhyme scheme and shift more impact to your last two lines. I personally find the closing lovely. that line just draws it out a little.

Urja: droop improves the rythem but I don't think it fits the feel of what was being said.

As always just a thought.

Posted: Sep 19, 2008

Author Comment:

Thankyou so much. You know you really have given me a lot to think about. Okay first to clarify ripe, you will notice that ripe has been used with red as in ripe and red, what i was going for was giving the sky a character, making it alive. The rays of light are like veins and arteries of blood racing through its entirity hence the line, "the evening sky is ripe and red with lingering light that is all but dead", you know this was one of my earliest poems and to tell you the truth i didnt really understand rhyming and rhythym then. Even today i have a very basic understanding of the technichalities of poetry, unfortunately for me all my poetry is mostly instinctive, but i am aiming to change that, thanx for showing me that i have a very long way to go.
As for the names of the poems i agree with you, they do seem bland, maybe you can recommend better ones LOL.
P.S plz dont let the names put you off not all of my poetry is depreesing, the poems i have up here are mostly about depression, lonliness, hope, salvation, fantasy(Not romantic), the state of the world, growing up and relegion.



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