I'm so tired

Of waiting, wishing, wanting, hoping

I'm tired

Of waiting for things to fall into place -

Waiting to get my braces off

Waiting to finally remove my glasses

Waiting for my hair to grow long again

I'm tired

Of wishing for confidence -

Confidence when I walk into a room

Confidence when I walk out

Confidence when someone teases me

Confidence when I hesitate in reply

I'm tired

Of wanting to be noticed -

Noticed for my body's curves

Noticed for my pretty face

Noticed for my nice personality

I'm tired

Of hoping that tomorrow will be better -

Tomorrow I'll wake up to find myself satisfied

Tomorrow I won't worry about what the world thinks of me

Tomorrow I'll be happy

Tomorrow will bring satisfaction

What happens now?

My waiting is finally over -

I've gained the physical appearance

That I always thought would make me happy

My wishing, my wanting, my hoping

All of those things seem never-ending

How can I be confident if that's not how I feel?

How can I be noticed if what I want is so shallow?

How can I predict tomorrow if I'm not even sure of today?

What happens now?

I'm torn between my feelings-

Half of me wants to go out,

To shout to the world

"I am beautiful just the way I am!"

"I am perfect, despite my imperfections!"

"I accept myself for who I am!"

I want the world to know that I'm ready

Ready to wake up,

To throw tired into the river,

The river that flows into my past

But the other half of me is meek

It tells me to keep my feelings quiet

To keep these desires locked in my soul

And to only let them out,

When I have a pen and paper.