Why Do I Love Golf?

Why Do I Love Golf?

The game of golf won’t let you be a star

It’s such a bitch to even break par

You carry your clubs in the trunk of your car

But it’s with the devil golf forces you to spar

You practice, you work and you putt

You’re better off collecting smut

It’s a brutal and futile game

Once you’re thru you’re never the same

The balls are tiny and white

You hit them with all your might

They never go straight, much like your odd uncle

And yet they’re shaped just like a carbuncle

The game of golf will cost you some dough

It helps to be rich and white, don’t you know

‘Cause if you’re black or brown it’s a drag

At that point all you do is carry a bag

The grass is greener and shorter at the nice club

A club you can’t get into, aye there’s the rub

You’re better off downtown at the pub

A good laugh, a beer and some bar grub

A par a birdie or a bogey

Is what we all shoot for

It’ll turn you into an old fogy

When you sign that card that says 104

But don fret, that 19th hole awaits

Martinis, ugly clothes and your mates

You drink and you lie and you wager

But you’ll never ever play in a major

At the end of the day it’s still fun

Even when on the front nine you shot 101

You might curse and drop the odd F-bomb

But if you got class, you’ll finish with aplomb

So raise your glass to a game that frustrates

If you can get your ass thru those pearly gates

But once on the course it’s a lovely escape

From the rat race, from life, even the Cape

Most men play it for those one or two shots

That over 18, we hit perfectly, to the right spots

We flail, throw clubs and scream to the sky

Jesus Christ, Oh God, just tell me why

So the hell with this game they call golf

‘Cause it’s not worth the money or the grief

You’re better off getting yourself Rolfed

Or walking barefoot on the Coral Reef