Poison

Every time I lift my pen
I make these same mistakes again.
I drag up thoughts from where they hide
and drape them on this bitter page:
instead of sleeping safe inside
around my heart they build a cage.

And every time I start to speak
again I prove my spirit weak.
The only words that I can find
are choking thoughts to curse your name
and some things better said in mind
alone are spoken just the same.

Every time I close my eyes
I see the face I so despise.
Instead of words I long to hear
I find a half-unwritten song.
The thoughts I loathe are all too near:
their bitter taste is always strong.

And every time I start to think
there's nowhere lower I can sink
I find your name upon my lips
while voices echo in my head.
Your love like venom slowly drips
and kills my soul unnoticéd.

Every time I think my heart
is healed, I feel it pull apart.
As on a harp left long untuned
I play a song that's far from whole:
each word is salt rubbed in the wound.
Each page is poison in my soul.