Hourglass

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Poem By: BugBoyAndy
Poetry

Tags: hourglass, time, love, waiting, puppet

A boy waits for his love to return, but soon wonders if its been all but a joke. View table of contents...

Submitted: Aug 6, 2007 Reads: 82 Comments: 6 Likes: 0

Each passing day I wait for your return,
I'm hanging in there but I can feel my heart burn
Waiting this long puts thoughts in my mind,
As the sand in the hourglass tells me the time

Moving on is a last resort but that I can not do,
Cause ill be leaving the memories of me and you
I believe in faith so ill keep that in mind,
But the sand in the hourglass is loosing its time

Here I' am grieving at my final minute,
Wondering if my life has been played like a puppet
About to loose my so-called lifeline,
Cause the sand in the hourglass has finished its time

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Comments:

BugBoyAndy:

Another good poem. Great choice and treatment of theme.

Verse 2, Lines 2 & 3: "ill" should be spelled "I'll"

Verse 4, Line 1:
"I' am" should be spelled "I'm" or "I am".

Recommend reading a recently published (2003/4) book entitled: "Eats(,) Shoots & Leaves" by Lynn Truss. It became an international(in the English speaking world) #1 best seller in 2005. It is entertaining, though repetitive. Helps the writer to gain mastery of some punctuation issues.

Happy trails,

Ed Bradley.

Posted: Aug 6, 2007

Author Comment:

Oh thank you, Edward. And yeah i was too lazy to fix those. I'll be sure I remember that for when I submit my poetry to editors or agents. Again, thank you. And thanks for taking the time to read this poem.

MurderousSweetTart

~BugBoyAndy
This was a very interesting poem, I liked it very much. ^^ You have a poetic talent. That is for sure. But, I also advise what Sir Bradley suggested. Well, keep up the good work. ^^ I cannot wait to read more of your poetry.
~MurderousSweetTart

Posted: Aug 6, 2007

Author Comment:

Thank you very much MurderousSweetTar. And i appreciate you're suggestion. And i sure will remember that. Thanks for taking the time of reading my poetry, and giving me the advise.

sineadmc1990

-cough- typos still -cough-

line five: can not, should be cannot.
line eleven: loose, should be lose.
as well as the ones mentioned already.

its ok. again, it doesn't have the wow factor, but its ok. its not rubbish, but it isn't brilliant. some editing would make it brilliant, but i think it might take a bit of work.

i'm honest. take it, or leave it ^_^

Posted: Aug 9, 2007

Author Comment:

Wow thank you for that correction, I' am embarassed I didn't catch those typos. And thanks for the honesty. Much appreciated.

And this is got to be my favorite of all my poems. Cause it is about a major part of my life, oh, and i love insects.

Laurel

That's actually very sad... did you write it from your own experience?
I like how in the last poem I read, it didnt rhyme, but flowed and how in this one you are also able to rhyme without it sounding forced. I tend to do that when I have to rhyme (for challenges and stuff like that)
One thing though... you used the wrong word spelling when you wrote 'loose' or 'loosing'. common mistake, but it's spelled with only one 'o'. That's my only critque!

Posted: Jun 29, 2008