All of Time v4

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Poem By: Codey
Poetry

The last version.
Somehow I'm going to put them together...
Which one do you people like best? View table of contents...

Submitted: Sep 2, 2008 Reads: 27 Comments: 4 Likes: 4

All of time—

A spectacle of brilliance.

Victory?

In silence waiting, wanting.

Limping on now—

With hands of clapping mountains.

Falling down…

The bird of lost abandon.

Justice served,

To those on cracking hilltops.

Crumbling now,

And falling they are silent.

You see them,

Want to help but cannot.

When living,

I speak to them with pity.

Seeing clear!

Arise from in the mist.

Alive today, yet dreamt the day before.

I am here…

So cold and far away,

You know now that it’s too late.

It’s too late,

It’s too late…

I’m waiting…

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Comments:

Ok. It's too late, but you are still waiting? Does that make sense? For me, it kind of voids each other. What think?

I love the bird of lost abandon. she's a pretty bird.

I think I like v2 or v3 best.

Posted: Sep 2, 2008

Author Comment:

This one was written quicker than the others. It makes sense if I add still. It's too late for the person, but I'll always wait. It was sort of yearning.
Thanks for your input.
I don't think I'll be experimenting in this way again...It didn't really do much for my writing.

RaisinGirl

this one, I like best, the form is just right, and it makes sense, it's not rushed, and it works....it's not crumbly, which I found #2 and #3 to be, just a bit in areas....I think I would stick with this one, if u are using it for a project or to post up...it just seems more complete and executed better....what u could do, however, is like, maybe add one more line or word or phrase to the ending....like use the word Infinity to incorporate your concept of 'waiting' for 'all of time', if that makes any sense to you, but so far do not change a thing about this one-I enjoyed the content in this one best...very enjoyable read...yeah, my mind's made up *#4 rules!*
-Meg;D

Posted: Sep 2, 2008

Author Comment:

It makes sense...umm...this is actually my LEAST favorite. It's cool that others have different thoughts than my own.
I originally thought I may combine them all into one giant conglomeration. I still may though I'm not sure at this point how it would work. I would have to do a friggin' lot of editing.

RaisinGirl

to me verse 1 is a great poem, but it is presented entirely different messages....2 and 3 seem more alike and they are good, and I was gonna say incorporate the content from all of them to create one big work of art, but I promise that verse 4 rules...it is written well, and the whole concept of waiting for all of time is what you meant to present, I am guessing, but let's see u try to include the content from the other 3...all of them are awesome-this one just my favorite...is seems to work better....okay enough- I am not an expert...but I honestly like it best...;)

Posted: Sep 2, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks. I respect your opinion. I'm gonna try to combine them.
Not tonight though.

devilrod

Hmmm. This one has a sense of the phoenix, but befallen, like Icarus in a way. I would just link them all together into one epic poem. Very good. If you want to know which one I like the best of the four, Id have to go with V1, because it had the initial intensity that I enjoy, but honestly I believe they all link together for an overall context, like an epic. What is your personal take on it? I'm curious....

Posted: Sep 8, 2008

Author Comment:

I like that take on it.
They do link together well.
I think that together they tell the tale of someone abandoned and who then takes revenge but feels sorry about it.
Kind of like the Count of Monte Cristo I guess....but also just an overall sense of melancholy and yearning for what is waiting in a higher place for all of us.