Parenthesis

Random First Lines: His words rang through the night: ‘I will catch you when you fall.’ * And then she fell harder,... : Poetry » Read

Poem By: Codey
Poetry

Tags: universe, kneel, awe

What is truth? View table of contents...

Submitted: Jul 2, 2008 Reads: 37 Comments: 3 Likes: 2

O god…

(such a sentimental feeling, as I’m

kneeling down, yet reeling from the

strangely softening blow

To my tender, broken head.)

Held back

In a non-inclusive ocean,

with these never living swimmers

who splash and paddle blindly in

the safe cove built by…

Yet we’re not the universe’s

lifebeat

We’re just another flound’ring

kayak,

mourning for the other timeline

lost in forgetfulness

tears fall like arrows down…

from the bars of the watching eyes

but

I can’t find a way to let go of the

blindness.

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Comments:

I won't lie i did have some trouble understanding this to an extent. I notice your title and the words that are in parentheses. These words following the ... I think in my head I might supposed to be adding these words after the rest of these ...'s. I like how instead of using words like dead you decided to use expressions like never living. This world is an ocean putting each other down full if separations of class and race which are wrong. Far to much discrimination is present in the modern world even if it is unspoken. To splash and paddle blindly very clever I took this as trying to live in this world is like blindly splashing in the ocean trying to get home. This is beyond my evaluation. I consider my self darn good at look at things and figuring them out. Props to you over my head in some ways through this. "Yet we’re not the universe’s
lifebeat" such a great line this is. Bars of watching eyes makes me consider multiple things. A prison filled with bars and evil eyes peering through them into you. Or it could be the eyes of people at a bar. Or I am way off and completely wrong that is option three. I find that no matter how much we think we can see and figure out about the world our depth perception is off and we are color blind.

Posted: Jul 3, 2008

Author Comment:

To me it was more like prison bars, but also kind of like the bars our gods/religion can place on us even though i'm not neccesarily against religion. Good job figuring it out! and thanks for reading it.