Really well written, well typed too. I love it, this is a great write, x.

Posted: Jun 19, 2008

haha that's really cool :D

Posted: Jun 19, 2008

This is very orginal; unlike anything I've read on here. I especially like the way you have made the persona seem as though they cannot function properly without this clock going 'tick tock'. The use of enjambment and the unusual structure of the poem makes also gives the effect that the persona is breaking down slowly, verbally as well as mentally.

When i first read through this poem I couldn't understand how it was linked to love but I think that now I have an idea - the clock is a metaphor of the human heart; the tick tock of the clock is like the beating of the heart. The persona has been rejected by someone he/she loves - 'I dropped it on a stranger's hand a li-i-ttle rough/ly and yesterday/
he threw it back - at - me mu -/much too roughly.' The persona is suffering from heartbreak, which is shown by the way in which the structure of the poem breaks down and the use of enjambment - 'I see
this
wheel
goes
to
this
knob
goes
to
that
wheel
where?' - and is desperate for it to be healed again - 'I fear that it may not start again...I close it again - hurriedly.
????
????
????
????'
The persona does fix the clock, the person is restored with the sense of belief and in order to get over this pain/heartbreak, the persona is willing to risk damaging the clock again (the heart) in order to find love and be healed - 'T'morrow I shall drop it in his hands again.'

The poem was brilliant, however I don't really like the title, 'Heart-Shaped Clock' just sounds bland and doesn't do the poem any justice. Perhaps something like 'Drop it in his hands again' or 'The clock that ticks me back to life' sound so much better. But this is my opinion and take no notice - the 'Heart-Shaped clock' is good enough. :)

Keep up the good work!

Olola.

Posted: Jun 20, 2008

This is a really great poem. I would leave a big and detailed description, but I am currently running short on time. But, I will tell you this- the way it was written (this is a horrible description)-how it was kind of wavy and not just in a straight line (is there a word for that)-made it much more powerful and meaningful, to me, at least.

Good job!

Posted: Jun 20, 2008

I like the poem. The movement of various words is interesting: the tears/tears(tares) falling (did you see the tears (tares)?), the ra-a-attle. I understand your use of enjambment to reinforce the image of the breaking down (on a physical, mental and emotional plane) of the heart-shaped clock, but I think you could have put the technique to better use. I wanted to see the rendering of multiple meanings in the phrases you "enjambed".

Consider "silent
ly". Isn't the heart-shaped clock coming back together at this point? Why the contrast (breaking the sentence structure with enjambment when the image is of the heart working properly again)? I suggest avoiding adverbs. Consider the word "murmur" in place of silent ly". You have that "tick-tock" element in the repetition of the two syllables along with the meaning of the word: a low continuous sound. The sound of the heart coming back to life. Just some thoughts. :)

Posted: Jun 22, 2008