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Going through a spiritual struggle and wrote out my feelings to short out my thoughts. One of my darker poems that was resentful of posting. Love to hear what everyone has to say. View table of contents...
Submitted: Mar 4, 2008 Reads: 111 Comments: 25 Likes: 7
Heart
My heart has been played.
You took refuge inside it,
then t o r e it apart.
My heart has been played.
You said you would bring me light,
But it was fool's gold.
My heart has been played.
Friends of yours, shadows moved in
and wrought destruction.
My heart has been played.
I trusted you, you failed me.
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I like the way u changed the colors ate parts, it makes the poem mean so much more, and how u did t o r e .
Posted: Mar 4, 2008
I love how u created the colors and the solemn tone kinda makes a web.
:)
Posted: Mar 4, 2008
I like the style of this piece. It's unique, like all your writings.
Posted: Mar 4, 2008
Much love for the.. the.. ok drawing a blank here..
~comes back 5mins later~
Metaphor! thats the word I was looking for. The wording and the way you played with the colour was great. A lot more people should be inventive with how they put together their writing.
on a side note hope your doing well and, well done on this ^^
Hawk ^^
Posted: Mar 5, 2008
Nothing is perfect - sometimes we put out star too high
Posted: Mar 5, 2008
Feelings and emotions can be taken away when loved is played with....liked the way you wrote this one....Til Later Take care Juliet
Posted: Mar 6, 2008
...
... ...
*still searching for words*
Yes, it was just that awesome, it left me speechless :)And the format adds to the message of the poem.
I
Posted: Mar 6, 2008
I think this is the first of your peoms that I've read. I really liked it! Liked the use of color. I'm going to have to figure out how to do that. Loved what you had to say.
Posted: Mar 7, 2008
What is with this darker side? It has never showed before... but its always clear that writing about the darker side is always easier because we dwell on it much more than we do when we have good times. When was this written???
If it was recent i have to say i haven't noticed anything. You said you feel your heart becoming blacker... at least you have let us all know :)
I liked it, especially the colour coding and the final words; "I dont trust anymore". I liked that line a lot because you are aware that the bible says that the heart is treacherous(if thats how you spell it). A nice piece, another side to you... and unfortunately i like it... but i like a lot of dark thigns as you already know, and we have already found so much in common... i guess it was only a matter of time before this side of you came out. Have a nice day ^^
Posted: Mar 8, 2008
what a fucking awsome peice (excuse the swearing) its the best piece on here so far. i can really relate to this thank you for sharing.
Posted: Mar 13, 2008
i love your poem! it's very creative and unique, which is great! Thanks for sharing it!
Posted: Mar 23, 2008
Love the structure. The flow and overall scheme were exceptional well laid and the power behind the words was mind-blowing. I derrived a few different opinions from this, and I think that is more than enough. Excellent work.
Posted: Apr 30, 2008
My heart has been played.
I trusted you, you failed me.
I don't trust anymore.
It's really is dark. Nice poem though I like it. You deserved someone who doesn't treat you like that. God bless you.
Posted: May 10, 2008
Well, two months later after you first posted Lol!
better late than never huh?
well I ended up on your page for some reason and was drawn to this.
I thought not only was it expressed very well, but I really like the way it is presented, especially how you typed t o r e
also the part about bringing you light but instead it was fools gold, with the color scheme giving it extra zilliance.
ok take care, always good seeing around town :D
~katie
Posted: May 10, 2008
something different dat u have done in the previous poems i've commented about. was u made at someone? cause u showed deepness in dis poem....
18 out of 15.
Posted: May 13, 2008
that was nice!
Posted: May 14, 2008
Interesting. I like the idea of using font colors to reflect the abuse of your trust. I would suggest going from red to purple to having the last line be black. The idea behind this choice of colors is to mimic the stages of a bruise. You might change each line by one shade of color making each line progressively bluer until you get to black.
I feel the use of single words with deviant colors (as in the words light and gold) and differing fonts (as in the word shadow) detract from your poem. The shift to the left hand margin with you final line was a nice touch.
Posted: Jun 1, 2008
i loved what you did to the colors for effect, it really brings out the meaning of the poem.. excellent poem, excellent formatting, what more can i say? =)
Posted: Jun 20, 2008
hi! df. although darkness is scary, hope u find light and regain trust. there is a whole wide world waiting to accept u with open arms. try it for a size. good luck. lol. ;-)
Posted: Jun 21, 2008
this i really like, i can relate to it so much. not only is a person hurting you, but their "friends", their negativity hurts just as bad, if not worse. i also like how you described their lies as "fools gold" something so beautiful, yet fake. a beautiful lie, but still a lie. keep up this great work. i find that the darkest parts of our soul brings out the best in us, we just have to learn to control it...or it will control us.
Posted: Aug 21, 2008
the changing of colors was a really good idea ^^ woah, this poem was really very dark. like you were breaking from the inside when you wrote it. a really nice poem, df^^
Posted: Sep 30, 2008
Man, no wonder you came down on me so hard! j/k It was a very strong write. I could feel the deep reservoir of feeling you put into it, and i can tell that even though it is simple, you thought VERY carefully how you put your words. Kudos
Posted: Oct 4, 2008
great poem! i enjoyed it a lot, and i like the effects that you put on tore, and with the colours, it really added a lot. overall this was a really enjoyable read!
Posted: Oct 19, 2008
I just dont understand. There is nothing to the poem. Colors are cheesy by the way. Unless you writing for a children book. But hell who am I? keep writing I dont say these things to upset you just to make you think. Everyone else isn't bold enough to say something. Just says hey that's amazing then runs away. Shit you are most likely better writer than me, but still this poem has nothing to it.
Posted: Oct 25, 2008
I really like this particularly "the shadows moved in and wrought destruction" it sounds quite powerful but not so dark as to actually be depressing. Very cool poem, the different coloured words were a nice touch.
Soriah xxx
"My body lives in this world but for a moment, my soul will hold on for an eternity"
Posted: Nov 16, 2008
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