My tears My pain...

I crawl into a deep dark corner to shed shameful tears, from the heart of a mother who's broken

For when my body and mind were beaten I looked for help, and all they did was steal my children.

Humans have made women like me feel as if we should be shamed, as if we wear a scarlet letter.

Speaking out against these people does no good, yet as a determined person I choose to

. I stand here today to state proudly that it wasn't my fault I was beaten, that he berated me, tore my mind to pieces.

I stand here boldly stating that when I stood alone against the entity known as CPS I did so as a 20 year old scared child myself.

I had an 8th grade education, and love with all that I am for my children. Sadly it wasn't enough I did what was best for them.

Yet I wear a bold scarlet letter on my chest for all to see, I stand here and say with a proud voice, if you are without sin then you cast the first stone.

For years I hid what happened scared to even talk about it, today I realized that not one of whom is throwing these slurs at me is without sin themselves.

So I stand and say keep throwing but when you face christ and he asks you what you did to spread his message will you tell him what you really did?

Or will you lie about this scarlet letter you've placed upon us? What really makes you any better then me? Money? Power stature?

That you actually believe that CPS has never investigated you or any of your family?

The sad fact is that you won't realize this until you die, but nothing you say about my children can harm me.

Because even after 10 years I stand behind my choice to keep them safe. While you chose to hide behind the facade of a perfect life,

I struggled not to kill myself everyday. While you hid behind the image of a perfect family I allowed you to air my imperfect family for all to laugh at.

While you chose to slander my name I chose to say nothing.

While you chose to make threats I chose to pray for you.

While you chose to continue to abuse me I chose to stop the abuse at me

. With splintered tongue you seal your fate, with silver plated lies you put a nail in your own coffin

. So while you continue to choose to keep these things going... I continue to choose to pray..

. no your right I am not perfect, I’ve made mistakes, airing all mine out to this world will not make you any better in the eyes of the one who truly matters. God....

so what will you say to him? When nothing I've done will make you any better in his eyes, what will you tell him...

in this world of facades few things are real, few things capture the heart and soul.. yet the love I still have for my children captures mine

. And you nor any human can take that... no stone you throw will take it.