No More Lying, I promise.

I can no longer lie,

I am not okay

I am a mess

Yes, I talk.

But I am still a mess.

You don't get it!

None of you do.

You're not in my head,

Who wants to take a trip in my head?

I can no longer lie,

I am not okay.

Here goes nothing, I suppose.

The pain never goes away,

The voice in my mind is always screaming at me

"You're not good enough, failure."

"You're nothing but a problem."

"You're not worth a penny."

"You will never be the right girl."

"Lose weight."

"You have nobody."

"Nobody cares about you."

"Everybody you love/ care about either walks out, or dies."

"Loser."

That's only a fraction of it all.

Of the pain.

It hurts, 

So much.

I can no longer lie,

I am not okay.

I'm tired of looking in the mirror,

I'm tired of seeing all of the imperfections,

I'm tired of seeing worthless written all over me.

I just want it all to stop.

I want to be loved for who I am, for what I have to offer,

To be accepted.

Not verbally abused, 

Not to see all my imperfections, but instead see everything I am good at,

That I am beautiful in my own way.

I can no longer lie,

I am not okay.

I'm not who you want me to be,

I'm not even what I want to be.

I'm just a girl, who has no clue anymore.

I'm confused,

Do I be the girl you want, 'the genius'?

Or do I be the artistic, creative girl that I want to be?

I wish you could understand the voice in my head.

That you would allow me to open up to you.

I need that help sometimes.

But I have it with a 'professional'.

But i can't tell him everything, I'm tired of being labelled, and judged.

I can't tell you any of this, 

I can only write it.

Is that okay?

Is that accepted?

I can no longer lie,

I am not okay.

RING

RING

RING

"Would you accept me for who I am?"