When I was young they gave me the tools.
I used them well, shame my shovel, humiliation my pick.
Dug my hole, It was horrifyingly beautiful
Deep, with such steep sides.
I did not jump. I thought I had
Even as I fell I believed I was to blame.
It’s my hole, I dug it, I poured my secrets into it.
I leapt, into the dark shadows of my mind.
Such a deep dark foul hole
And from its pit I now see
I was pushed.
Shoved by ignorance, prejudice and heartlessness.
You tempted me so close to the edge.
It was so slippery, but did you offer a steadying hand?
You knew I would fall. You wanted me to.
I heard you as I fell, Scoffing at my life’s achievements.
Now I stand up to my neck in loneliness and self pity.
Surrounded by all that makes me feel comfortable and alive.
The only rescue is the hangman’s noose lowered from the rim.
Thank you society! If it all the same to you,
I think I will die where I am.