I would like to tell you how I

undress for bed.

First, I kick off my shoes and

most of the time,

oddly enough, they land facing

the same direction.

I always think about how wierd that is.

Like they do it to make me wonder

what the hell?

Next, I undo my belt.

It is made of thick black leather

and I have had it for

a long time. It reminds me of my dad for some reason,

although, I can't recall ever seeing his belts,

for all I know he didn't wear a belt.

For that matter, I am not entirely sure that if he were to purchase

a belt,

that it would look anything like that.

Then, I unfasten the button on my jeans, and take down the zipper

sometimes fast, sometimes medium speed. Rarely slow.

This next part is important because it varies depending on who is around

and what degree of temperature the room is, and also my mood.

If it is hot, and I am alone, I take off my pants and

white boxer briefs in one motion and at the same time.

If I am not alone and I am excited or in the moment

the same.

If I am with someone I love and it is cold,

I leave the boxers on and use the

hole in the front, or leave them on to be taken off by

the other person later if they want to.

If hot with a loved one, pants off, boxers off, two distinct and calculated

motions.

If I am alone and it is cold, I take my pants off quickly, leaving the boxers on and

hop around a little bit as the goosebumps form.

If I am alone and drunk, I leave my pants on.

If I am not alone and drunk, I take only my pants off and somehow leave

on every other article of clothing.

After that, I take off my shirt.

I reach with both hands over my shoulders and pull it over my head from the back

then I toss it at my hamper... but rarely get all of it in.

I leave my socks on.

I get in bed sometimes naked but for the socks.

I inspect myself all over casually and the strange thing is,

I never remember what the parts of my body feel like to touch,

for the most part.

Sometimes I wake up and one sock is half on, or off.

Sometimes both socks are off.

And a lot of times, I lose one sock during the night and cannot

ever find it again.

That is how I do it.

And I like it that way.