A circus

I step into a circus

First time in my life

Though I am forty two, too old for this

Yet I find the gate has closed behind me

So I play along

Thinking it can’t be that bad

Sooner or later the gate will open

So I first walk

My steps making no noise

Even though there is clearly

A hard marble floor under me

But I push away the thought

Just a trick on my mind

I walk

And I see nothing in front of me

Just darkness surrounding me

I’m probably lost

I’m probably dreaming

Though a voice in my head

Tells me that

That’s what everyone says

I sit and wait hoping someone will come help

I wait for years and no one comes

I start weeping

And with no idea where I want to be going

I stumble forward

Step by step

Not caring what happens

I’m probably going to be trapped forever

And just as I finish that thought

There in front of me

Flashing lights and upbeat music

I smell warmth

I taste music

Yet it’s all blurry

I can’t make out where I am

It’s probably just an illusion

So I turn and leave

And I hear a scream

Right in front of me

A high whining shrieking

God horrible screaming

And I find myself walking back

And when I find the blurry vision

The screaming stops

And it isn’t so blurry anymore

Ive been starving and thirsty for years

And shadows hand me food on a silver platter

I am grateful and greedy

I take more than my share

And I find no more food

No more lights

No more music

Just the darkness again

Will I never be rid of this pain

I deserve more than this

I am better than this

I won’t just weep here

I won’t walk anymore

With my newfound strength I run

And the screaming starts again

But I take no notice

I will get where I want

Though painful it won’t hinder

My speed my progress

Im nearly there I feel it

I find myself by a big tent

The famous big tent

Theres always a big tent at a circus

I run toward the open flap

And the tent collapses

It crumbles

And it falls

And I fall with it

I find myself in darkness

Walking through a noiseless

Marble floor

Back at the beginning

I sigh and continue

On my tiresome journey

To nowhere

For no reason

All because I got trapped in the circus

I guess I just wasn’t ready.