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Don't Get Me Wrong

Poem By: djtswing
Poetry


Loving someone who messed around with someone else is tough to do, sometimes you just need to move on. View table of contents...

 

Submitted: Apr 21, 2007    Reads: 96    Comments: 3    Likes: 0   


How could you have not seen it ?
There was an obvious fine line,
yet you can't seem to admit,
you weren't his, you were mine.

I won't argue each and every fact,
but still you can't deny.
If you wanted our relationsip in tact,
you would tell the truth not a lie.

But don't get me wrong,
you're very special, always will be.
But this has gone on too long,
and you aren't the one for me.


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Comments:

I like the first stanza, its has 'oomph' that keeps you reading. It's short yet to the point; if you had dragged it out, I don't think it would have such impact.
Its a great piece! :)

Posted: Apr 21, 2007

Author Comment:

Thanks a lot! I don't see anything when I write it, so it's nice to have people point out what stands out and what fades away and/or is pointless to the piece. Thanks again.
~Dan

"you weren't his, you were mine" --- love that line! The line, "you would tell the truth, not a lie"? Just, "not lie" would have flowed a bit better...don't know, just thinking, sorry I don't usually give 'suggestions'. But, anyway, great emotion, great job!

Posted: Apr 21, 2007

Author Comment:

Thanks a lot, really do appreciate the feedback. Well, that 'suggestion' is right. It would have much better flow, I'll have to change that when I have time, haha busy man. Thanks for the kind compliment. By the way, if you ever get a chance, read They're Free. It's my side of the arguement, a little more focused on a particular problem then your the Rape of Bambi, but same general type of 'rant'. Thanks again!
~Dan

nice work--short and to the point--easy to read--just what I like !

Posted: Apr 21, 2007

Author Comment:

thanks, glad you enjoyed it



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