Random First Lines: Watching thesun set.on a flower.that has just bloomedBreaks yourheart intoa million morepieces.guess that makes... : Young Adult » Read

Welcome Visitor: Login to the siteJoin the site

When LIfe Becomes A Lie

Poem By: dom22
Poetry


This is just a couple of questions that I am asking myself daily. Is love always supposed to hurt? View table of contents...

 

Submitted: Jun 4, 2008    Reads: 69    Comments: 6    Likes: 1   


WHEN LIFE BECOMES A LIE
*
Why do I feel so much hatred
When love is all you give to me
Why do I feel so lonely
When with me is where you want to be
*
Why do I feel so insecure
When you tell me I’m your everything
Why do I feel so lost
When you are not with me
*
Why do I feel so fragile
When you are touching me
Why do I feel like exploding
When I’m nearing extacy
*
Why do I feel like crying
When you say that You love me
Why do I feel like lying
When you ask if I believe
*
Why is it that I love you
With all that is in me
Why is it that I can’t let go
Of that thing that used to be?
***


1

Email this story Email this story | Print Story Print Story | Add to reading list

Comments:

I LOVED THIS ONE....this is my FAVOURITE....This summarises my life too.....
i wish u write more and more poems like this one....

Posted: Jun 6, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks Prathibha, You are the first one to respond. Highly appreciated. I've got a book with poems at home. I started writing poems when I was still in school but then I just stopped. It was my way of expressing what I felt and dealing with certain issues in my life. I should go look for it and publish some more.......

oooo, so many questions. . .so little time and answers.

i like this one! great work!

Posted: Jun 7, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks LeAnne:) :) :) glad you liked it

Alrighty here I am! You may regret!! ha ha...teasing.

I think if you broke this up into 4 line verses it would be more effective. OR, here's a thought. Why not put all your q's in one long stanza, then all the respective answers in the 2nd long stanza.
OR
My heart sinks in lies
I see love in your eyes.
My skin heaves in hate
etc etc.

Not sure. This is sure sexy with undertones though. Let your sensual side guide you, I see it trying to escape.

Posted: Jun 10, 2008

Author Comment:

Hi there Classy Peach... Interesting that you said brake it up into 4 line verses .... It was like that... I was still trying to figure out how to put things on booksie with lines inbetween and it kinda came out this way. I know how to now , so I could probably change it.... Thanks for the advice... I'm off to read more of your poetry now.

Hello,
i have to agree with peachy, you need to brealk this one up. Remember that when you write poems like this with lots of questions and painful musing try to employ short hardhitting verses. The shorter they are the more rhyme you'll have to employ. Or if not then add comma's in your verses for more dramatical effect. Work a little on the rhyming of this piece i mean rhyming is not essential but if you do use it then make sure its use is symmetrical. your rhyming needs to be consistent. That doesnt mean rhyme everything but what you do rhyme should be done in sequence.
I hope you havent minded my criticism, i apologize if you have. But i myself changed my writing style upon an assesment of my poem by classy peach you'll see what i mean when you read my following poems "end of time" and then "the toymaster".

Posted: Jun 12, 2008

Author Comment:

;)

wow, i would've totally related to the majority of the poem, but nowadays I am feeling way too great! i specially liked that questionnaire theme!

Posted: Sep 10, 2008

Author Comment:

It's fantastic that you feel great these days. Thumbs up for you. I'm also passed that stage and guess what ? Found the right answers to all of those questions....

Reading this one again.
So true.

Posted: Sep 11, 2008

Author Comment:

Scary but true ....



Add Your Comments:

Your Name:

Spam protection control::

© Copyright 2008 dom22 All rights reserved. dom22 has granted theNextBigWriter, LLC non-exclusive rights to display this work on Booksie.com.

Add to Reading List
Become a fan
Email this story Email this story
Read/Write Reviews Read/Write Reviews
Print Story Print Story



Other writing by dom22 connection A Fools prayer Own worste enemy Friends can be lovers? Drowning in your sorrows More..



Tags

Love, Poetry, Death, Life, Poem, Romance, Pain, Fantasy, Hope, Sad, Sex, Hate, God, Horror, War, Humor, Hurt, Sadness, Loss, Dark, Fiction, Depression, Heart, Family, Friendship.

About | News | Contact | Your Account | TheNextBigWriter | Advertise

© 2008 TheNextBigWriter, LLC. All Rights Reserved. Terms under which this service is provided to you. Privacy Policy.