be still my beating heart

in through the front door i creep

the old girl lies upstairs asleep

then suddenly i hear her call

in my drunken stupor i fall

into her ornament shelf on the wall .

............................................

i stumble against her ornamental well

i hear her shout ''oh effing hell''

i can see all of her wares

as she comes bounding down the stairs

ooh i'm so in trouble i just don't dare .

.........................................................

she helps carry me to my bed

but the thought of her boobies will not leave my head

so i thought a touch would be nice

and i did it without thinking twice

she gave a stare that would melt ice .

...........................................................

i got up and fell in the bath

it was then that i heard her laugh

she said ''it so serves you right''

you can sleep there all night

and went off giggling with girly delight .

.....................................................

i woke up at an unearthly hour

thanking my bladder for its staying power

relieved i crawled back into the bed

''ooh you're freezing'' she said

why don't you spoon me instead .

..................................................

no matter how hard i tried

my erection would not be denied

she turned and gently kissed me

as i caressed her body so tenderly

and brought her to the edge of ecstasy .

...........................................................

be still my beating heart

as of each other we become part

at home in her wonderful address

i'm forgiven i guess

yes, ooooh yes , yes , yes .