My only plan:
ARRIVE ON TIME.
After the fact my mind, so starved,
Blanked.
Not white like a new sheet of paper,
For white suggests purity.
Nothing about this is pure.
No part of this is sane.
Everything-
Everything about this
Makes me shiver, makes me quake.
My knees would surely buckle
If it weren't for where we now sit.
Small talk should be easy
And it's usually so carefree,
But I can't look you in the eyes.
Those tiny gold flecks
Plead deliverance.
Is it even my right to give?
My thoughts can only spin in circles,
And I feel dangerous.
All the lies I told to get here...
Is it all worth it?
Can I risk it all for you?
If I can, should I?
Don't you feel guilty?
I can't decide which eye to look in-
One sparkles innocence,
The other shows your need.
(The secret is, I need this too.)
What's that?
Are you laughing at me?
You don't share my tension,
You just look back
As I try so damn hard to look away.
I hate how you keep
Glancing
At my lips.
I hate how I keep biting mine
In spite of myself.
I hate it when you-
Scratch that,
I love it when you look at me like that,
Like you know what I look like
Undressed.
(Though it is a little scary...  Do you know?)
Fireworks.
A hurried kiss.
Is it love?  Passion?  Lust?
Even worse...  All three?
We're plunging faster and faster.
The kisses just keep coming,
Each one a little
Deeper.
Hands reach,
A sigh escapes unwillingly.
(I'm praying no one sees us.)
My God, your eyes are like a prayer
That no one was supposed to hear.
Like I'm your religion,
Just for today.
You're not trying to control it,
And I'm clinging to reality.
Pretending to not know how
Fragile
Our reality has become.
Primitive instinct
Is the only way I can describe it.
All that I hold dear is fading
As I forget to avoid your eyes,
Now filled with fire.
Hands guide
Me over top of you.
My lips glide over your neck
As your grip slides to
Other
Places-I'm terrified
(But I like it.)
Imitation alone gave you permission.
All I can think...
Why did I move first?
Why here?  Why now?
This isn't what I planned...
But then I remember-
There was no plan.
We're both lying on a park bench,
And none of this was planned.
Eventually, I'll have to stop
Whimpering.
Eventually, we'll sit up.
I'm going to feel dizzy,
I might feel faint...
But it's happening.
By the time I drag myself back in,
It will all be over,
Yet it will never end.
I'll feel you on me for days.
We'll think of each other-
That isn't what I fear.
As for the lies we've told, for one moment,
I'll try to forget.
Let us linger a moment longer.
Reality is calling...