Maybe I've truly become a 
cynic through and through
And do not believe that
I deserve happiness
or that romance 
would find me.
Not now.
Especially not now.
I can't even say 
that I desire it.
I certainly wasn't
 looking for it.
 When it feels like
my heart's just barely
gotten done healing

what am I supposed to do now?

I would like to hope
Yet I'm way too scared
and half expecting 
the situation to go away.
Perhaps if I ignore it
Ignore him
it might actually all 
go away.

Simply be a dream.

Ahh, I can't feel 
gladness in my heart
Especially 
when I don't know him
Not all that well.

What I do know
What I do see
I like

 so very, very much.

This can't be happening.
Because I'm beginning to feel 
focused again.
Sane and wiser.
I can't fall prey to
losing my head
or worse, my heart.

Not yet, not yet, not yet.
Not ready. 
Not at all.

Yet, here I go
foolish, foolish girl
never remembering the
past mistakes
rushing headlong
as if I've nothing to lose
as if the twinge of heartache
wasn't something so recent
that it could still be felt

Faintly. Sometimes intensely.

But isn't that being brave?
 Still possessing
incredible faith 
that the promise
of a small measure of joy
might yet be fulfilled?

I won't give in.
I simply cannot.

Well.

Not fully, at least.