I can be the way you want
I can be the way i want
I can be the way society wants me to be
I can be weak
I can be strong
I can be smart or dumb
I can be cruel and heartless it ain't hard to do
I can be caring and nice
So, I can be anything I want to be or the way you want me to be
I can be created by the way you treat me, abuse me and i could turn tough or weak it's a risk you'll have to do.
I can be raised with love and be good or become bad
So in other words be careful what you confront, be treated, raised, or influnced by who or what it can change you, and it's hard to avoid change. Because everyday your changing in different ways wheter you feel it or not. Just as it's too late not to read this because wheter, you admit it or not, it changed you even a molecule fraction of a second when you read this.
ezzy:
Liked the presentation. As well as the choice and treatment of theme. Gave it a "5". Perhaps, you would like to revisit and correct some of the spelling errors so as to improve the impression it will leave on the readers.
Examples:(Took a stab at rewriting some of it as well.)
I am created by the way you treat me, abuse me I'll turn tough or weak it's a risk you'll have to choose.
I can be raised with love and be good or become bad
So in other words be careful how you confront, treat, or influence me, who or what can change you, and it's hard to avoid change. Because everyday your changing in different ways whether you feel it or not.
Just as it's too late not to read this because whether you admit it or not, it changed you even a molecule/fraction of a second as you read this.
My opinion: The message is strong. Poetry should have the same or a similar number of syllables in each line. This is known as rhythm or pacing.
Last syllables in adjacent or corresponding lines benefit from rhyming. Within a verse.
Verses should be separated by an additional or one line more than which separates lines within a verse. But what you did is OK if that is what you intended.
Rhyming, pacing and verse separation make a poem easier on the eyes of the reader. Whatever makes a poem easier to read also increases the reader's enjoyment of the poem.
Just some of my own thoughts. Be yourself and write poetry to please yourself first.
Happy trails,
Ed Bradley.
Posted: Aug 26, 2007
Yeah Ed is correct with all that he says, but I would add that the format of rhyme and rhythm does not always apply, you will see this if you read some of my poems, as in some cases when dealing with a building emotion, like something is becoming worse throughout the poem, then to add dramatic effect, the pace may spped up and the use of words and imagery can overshadow use of rhyme, thus reaching and fully expressing what is ultimately the build up and crescendo of expression. Patterns can change within the framework but then find themselves at the end or even a poem can be composed in movements like a symphony. It is in your hands.
Posted: Jan 21, 2008
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