Random First Lines: It was the morning after KC had arrived. He was going to begin his training. Tom and Alice were there. Alice... : Fantasy » Read

Welcome Visitor: Login to the siteJoin the site

Catching A Dream

Poem By: fred
Poetry


Tags: dream, love, life

Dreams! View table of contents...

 

Submitted: Apr 14, 2008    Reads: 101    Comments: 12    Likes: 3   


Catching a dream

Flaunting her dress, she moved through the weeds,
beds of flowers, cologne on her tweeds,
azure the color of her eyes, auburn her hairs,
lips so devil read, like intoxicating martinis,
dissapearing in the woods she left her trails,
I followed her to the mountains and rivers up hail,
little drops of dew, with mist all around her,
the moon was on full swing,
with winds whispering around her,
I lurched on the instant, my hands holding on her's
her hairs were so blooming, like niagra cascading,
but than she flung her index, and plunged right at me,

"I am a dream that you are following, there is nothing true about me"

Off she went again, fleeing into the woods
but with the trails that you leave me, I would always follow you.

-Fred (Faraz Nizamani)


3

Email this story Email this story | Print Story Print Story | Add to reading list

Comments:

Very interesting concept and quite nicely written too - how would it flow without the ryhme which is sometimes a bit forced? Very good poem.

Posted: Apr 15, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank You! =)

Nice piece. Actually creates good imagery. Agree with Therese about the rhyme part. Great piece of work.

Posted: Apr 16, 2008

I like like :)

Posted: Apr 17, 2008

Very, very nice (:
Awesome job Fred. :3

Posted: Apr 17, 2008

Irwin
(not registered user)

I love this just for the first two lines alone.

Posted: Apr 21, 2008

ahh wonderful wonderful poem!! i loved every bit of it =)

Posted: Apr 27, 2008

Author Comment:

ThankU :)

hi! fred. u've great imaginative power, just what is needed for a poem. keep going. ;-)

Posted: May 3, 2008

Author Comment:

Its ppl like u who keep me rolling :) thnks bubbly!

This is my favorite one that you have posted here. It has a soft whimsical feel about it. Great job!

Posted: May 5, 2008

Author Comment:

Glad that u liked it.. ! It is my fav 2 :)

i like it:] good job.

Posted: May 7, 2008

wow....great imagination....
loved this loved this

Posted: May 9, 2008

Author Comment:

Hey thanks Prathiba ... . ! =) I was w8ing for u to comment. . :-)

hi,
i liked your poem but for me it lacked a certain air of mystery. Since the poem itself was about catching a dream i feel the poem should have had a more elusive quality. It just seems as if you're trying too hard leaving nothing to the imagination, which is the most powerful tool for evoking a readers intrest and holding it.Regardless, its a good attempt you just need a little work.
P.S i really hope you dont mind my criticism, i am merely trying to be helpful.

Posted: May 11, 2008

I enjoyed this poem, because we all have dreams we tend to follow at one time or another .

Posted: May 13, 2008



Add Your Comments:

Your Name:

Spam protection control::

© Copyright 2008 fred All rights reserved. fred has granted theNextBigWriter, LLC non-exclusive rights to display this work on Booksie.com.

Add to Reading List
Become a fan
Email this story Email this story
Read/Write Reviews Read/Write Reviews
Print Story Print Story



Other writing by fred Dog Named Willy My World!!! Stranger Heart Man, a desired beast The 9 Three O More..



Tags

Love, Poetry, Death, Life, Poem, Romance, Pain, Fantasy, Hope, Sad, Sex, Hate, God, Horror, War, Humor, Hurt, Sadness, Loss, Dark, Fiction, Depression, Heart, Family, Friendship.

About | News | Contact | Your Account | TheNextBigWriter | Advertise

© 2008 TheNextBigWriter, LLC. All Rights Reserved. Terms under which this service is provided to you. Privacy Policy.