Haiku's

marilyn manson-sweet dreams

HEAD

A man’s severed head

It sits in a pool of blood

I must clean my axe

VOMIT

I vomitted blood

There were maggots in the blood

It stained my new shirt

MOSQUITO

Swarm of mosquitoes

malicious pests suck my blood

like tiny vampires

RAZOR

A sharp razor blade

It slices across my eye

Man, that HURTS

SPONTANEOUS HUMAN COMBUSTION

He burst into flame

For no apparent reason

It was pretty cool

SPLAT

A speck in the sky

A man fell from an airplane

It was pretty cool

POTTY EMERGENCY

I have got to pee

My bladder is really full

Oops! My pants are wet

CHIPMUNK ROAD GOO

I hit a chipmunk

Its guts are in my tire treads

Stupid animal

SIBLING CONFLICT

I killed my sister

Bashed her head in with a brick

Now I am grounded

HEAD II

My head just fell off

Wasn’t screwed on tight enough

I guess mom was right

NOSEBLEED

My nose is bleeding

I ran into a brick wall

I do not know why

REVENGE

He pisses me off

And now he must pay in blood

Payback is a bitch

ODE TO HAIKUS

This is a haiku

It is quite repetitive

Just five, seven, five

HEART

I’ll rip your heart out

And hold it up to your face

You’ll watch yourself die

BURN

I’ll set you ablaze

And I’ll laugh as your flesh burns

while you scream in pain

THE BEATING

A solid oak club

I’ll smash the life out of you

And you’ll die slowly

ACID FLESH BURN

The acid hits you

And it eats away your face

You’re dead, and I laugh

NUKE

Nuclear bombs drop

And your flesh is vaporized

Nuclear war’s fun

ELECTROCUTION

Electrocution

The energy stops your heart

I laugh at your corpse

HOMIE

Don’t diss tha homies

Dey’ll busta cap ‘n yo’ ass

An’ den gank yo’ shoes

PLEASE DON’T RAPE MY SHEEP

Please don’t rape my sheep

But if you feel that you must

Please use a rubber

SANTA

Hey, you! Santa Claus!

Get offa my fuckin roof!

Or I’ll shoot your ass!

FIRE

Fire is pretty cool

It can make your flesh bubble

And roast marshmallows

THE GUN IS OUR FRIEND

The gun is our friend

It can solve many conflicts

And unclog toilets

EXPLOSIONS ARE THE ANSWER

Burning rag, gas can

Explosions are the answer

To all life’s problems

KNIVES

Knives are lots of fun

They’ll quell the deepest boredom

I really love knives

CRUSH

I crushed a man’s skull

I did it with my bare hands

It was loads of fun

EAR BLOOD GEYSERS

Blood spews from his ears

Like horizontal geysers

I’ve no idea why

KABOOM

Tick...Tick...Tick...KABOOM!

Unabomber strikes again

Pick up that guy’s spleen

DRY ERASE MARKERS

Dry erase markers

I inhale the happy fumes

And then I feel good

FLY

I swatted a fly

A disease-ridden black fly

It made me feel big

SCREEEEEEEEE!

Nails on a blackboard

The sound makes me want to kill

Innocent people

THE CUTE LITTLE BUNNY HAIKU

Cute little bunny

You eat my flowers again,

I’ll blow your head off

THE BEAUTIFUL FLOWER HAIKU

Beautiful flower

I grind you up and smoke you

Beautiful colors

SLACKER

Lindsey’s a slacker

She can’t write her own haiku

I better get paid

SMELLY CORPSE

Smelly, rotting corpse

It sits in my living room

It was my mother

HAPPY COLOR TRIP

Happy colors dance

LSD is a good friend

On long, boring days

BURN BABY BURN

I burned down a tree

It filled me with a great joy

I love to burn stuff

TITANIC

The Titanic sunk.

Cameron profitted from it.

Kudos to Cameron.

MONICAGATE

L’il Miz Lewinsky,

So the President boinked you.

Do you think we care?

THEY SQUEAK, TOO

Small babies are soft.

Knives go in them real easy.

Like warm margarine.

THE RENAISSANCE PROVIDES THE ULTIMATE PROOF

Men: Superior.

Women are inferior.

Deal with it, people.

JUST DON'T ASK OKAY?

Do you know what sucks?

My girlfriend has a Penis!

Something here’s fishy...

ANOTHER HAIKU ABOUT MY GIRLFRIEND

This is something wierd:

She had to give me my Nuts!

Before, I had hers.

FIZZY SPERMICIDE

Evil Mountain Dew

You are a refreshing drink,

But you kill my sperm

WIND IN THE FOREST

A cool, brisk breeze

Blows-cool and brisk- through the hair

on my genitals

ODE TO SHOE GIRL

Young girl selling shoes;

You don’t mean a thing to me,

but I’d still fuck you

GIRL WITH THE SMALL LITTLE MOUTH

Girl with the small mouth

I wonder how it would be

to get head from you?

Go Ahead

Go ahead and shoot

The world will be better off

Without scum like you.

Butterfly
Pretty butterfly
Floating serenely through space
Raid its sorry ass.

Butterfly II
Pretty butterfly
I see you on the flower
Splat! with the paper.

Butterfly III
Pretty butterfly
I see you on the counter
Pretty sports page.

Butterfly IV
Angry buterfly!
Lusts for blood and not nectar
Vengeance is at hand!!!

Sweets
I bought some candy
And tainted it with Decon.
Here, little children...

Feet
Feet upon the desk
Take them off or suffer my
Horrible, swift wrath.
(For Katherine)

Scuffz
Yo! Yous scuffed my sneaks!
Step up, foo! I’ll bust a cap
In yo sorry ass!

Police Brutality
Cops are beating me
Their clubs' blunt pain on my head
I can see through time...

Police Brutality II
I am being clubbed
How can this be? I am not
Even a black man...

Police Brutality III
As I start to retch
It is then I start to think
No more pixie dust.

Police Brutality IV
The beating is done
Put the camera down and
Help me, you fucker!

USPS Trip
Postag stamps make me
At one with the universe
Thirty-two cent bliss.

Swish
I shot a robber
Heard him coming a mile away
He wore courderoy.

Thump
Bible-thumping bitch
Quote me scripture again, I’ll
Thump you - with my car.
(For Carrie)

Sieg Heil
Nazi piece of shit
Think you’re better than others?
Heil my gun, asshole.

Points
Two more fucking points
My duo would have broken
Fucking judge screwed us.
(For disgruntled Forensians everywhere)

Fwuffy Bunny
Fwuffy Bunny Boo
You came into mygarden
Fwuffy fur mittens.
(For animal rights activists everywhere.)

Rape
I will rape your ass
I wish you were a woman
But I’m not picky.

Glub
I saw your boat sink
Your face was so beautiful
As it gasped for air

Privileged
You should feel honored
I let you spend time with me
You lucky devil.

Pick
I have a big scab
Scritch, scratch, pick - this is is real fun
Aw, shit, I’m bleeding.

Irony
You laugh at my face
And choke to death on your food
I have the last laugh.

Floss
Silly pubic hairs
What exactly are you for?
More than dental floss?

Payback
The world will suffer
For the pain that is my life.
Yes, the world shall pay.

Goodyear
You silly squirrel
You run across the highway
Steel belted demise.

Haikus

Haikus were cute things
Till I twisted them into
Something unholy.

Beep Beep
You deserve to die!
Cut off my car in traffic
I cut off your head.

Incantations
Pretty pentagram
Containing Hell’s dark spirits
They’re at my command.

Psycho Analysis
I’m Freud’s worst nightmare
Try to analyze my mind
And you’ll be sorry.

Braniac
Let’s have a debate.
I would like to pick your brain
I brought my ice pick.

Assassin Jr.
I will teach my kids
The ways of the assassin
My wife will be pissed.
(For Katherine again)

Assassin Jr. II
As their skills improve
The objections will subside
My wife will be dead.
(Sorry, honey)

Orgy Porgy
A bloody orgy
Hard-core, perverse, depraved acts
No holes have been barred.

Kinderboom
Kindercare is gone
Yeah twenty pounds of plastique
Will do things like that.

Kinderboom II
Kindercare is gone
A tricycle fell to earth
Twelve miles away.

Great Meal
The neighbors are here.
Where is your Great Dane? Let’s talk.
Here, have some meatloaf.

Fry Small Fry
Children, tiny tots
Tender and juicy, go well
With Tater Tots.

Suicide
I wish I were dead
I would shoot myself but can’t
Afford the bullet.

Homicide
I wish I were dead
Come here and shoot me, fucker!
So you’ll suffer too.

Genocide
I wish I were dead
All mankind can die with me
I hate all of us

Burrito
Eat a burrito
You look so stupid with beans
Squirting down your shirt.

Kill Me
Bang me in the head
Send my brains into orbit
With nine-millie rounds

Kill You
Bang you in the head
Send your brains into orbit
There, I feel better.

Hang in There
The noose grows tighter
As I step off the platform
Now, eternity.

Flow
Rivers flow deeper
My veins coarsing new channels
My warm crimson tides.