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Friends (Another Challenge poem)

Poem By: Hugs and kisses
Poetry


Ok, this was a poem for hiralarious's challenge. My line that I had to use was "A house filled with not enough" so this is what I did. View table of contents...

 

Submitted: Jun 24, 2008    Reads: 66    Comments: 7    Likes: 3   


What would I be without you guys?

Without my friends, without my buddies,

We laugh, we fight, we play under the bright blue sky,

I know that sometimes being my friend is not easy,

But you stick to it all the same,

You always laugh it off, as if it's all a game,

What would I be without everyone?

I'll tell you what I'd be: Our solar system without the sun,

An island without it's sea,

A house filled with not enough,

A garage without any stuff,

To put it simply, If you all weren't my friends,

Life as we know it would end.


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Comments:

aint that the truth! lol, I LOVE my friends (as everyone loves thiers. this poem was really cute and heart felt, I loved it ma belle., keep up the brilliant work!
Steph(:

Posted: Jun 24, 2008

Author Comment:

Awwww thanks! It took me forever to actually post this poem...I've just been so busy and very lazy lately :P I'm glad you enjoyed it!!

awwww! i love my friends toooo! and i would lose my mind if i didn't have them :D such a great poem hugs and kisses ^^ it speaks from the heart!

Posted: Jun 24, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it so much! Friends are the best!! I'm really happy you liked it, thank you so much!

Cute.
Friendship is such a strong feeling it always makes for great poems. :]
The only critique I can think of, is that "our solar system withou the sun" would probably more consistent with the rest of the poem if it was "a solar system without a sun"
also for the 'garage without any stuff" line, you might want to find a synonym for stuff. I don't know. Soemthing about that word just doesn't really flow well here.
All in all though, it's a really nice poem!
Good job!

Posted: Jun 24, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks! I'm happy that you have suggestions because I love them! I'll change it...I might now publish it...just because I'm lazy. But the changes will be made. lol sorry about my laziness :P I'm really glad you enjoyed this one too!

Our solar system without the sun,

An island without it's sea,

A house filled with not enough,

A garage without any stuff,

I have never read such amusing comparison and u know what these unconventional comparisons make this poem extra extra special....

Posted: Jun 24, 2008

Author Comment:

Awwww thank you! I loved making the comparisons, just because they were so random and kind of odd. I had a lot of fun writing this poem so I'm glad that you liked it and thought it was "extra extra special" as you put it. Thanks so much for the lovely comment!

I agree. I love how you defined friends. Great imagery! ^^

Posted: Jun 25, 2008

Author Comment:

I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thank you so much, for both liking my poem and for taking the time to comment.

Great job! (:
Totally worth the wait :P

Posted: Jun 25, 2008

Author Comment:

awwww thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

I thought it was a really good poem. Great job!

Posted: Jun 26, 2008

Author Comment:

^.^ you are way too nice Piggy ^.^



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