I can't identify myself any more. I don't understand who I am or what I am. My emotions are distraught. I remember just 5 minutes ago I was destructive smiling without thinking because I was angry inside. That anger exploded in such a way I will regret. the question being was it worth it? I destroyed soveigners of long ago. I destroyed memories from art class. I destroy the hand print of my kindergarden age. My past shattered before my eyes by a monster i couldn't have ever seen returning. My past is a nightmare of destrucion, hate, sexual misconduct, and pet abuse. Why is it that my anger is something I can not control. What else may it be that I am fighting against? I thought my evil side was over who I was but there is so much more to search through. My stream of conciousness isn't even defined as poetry. But my description don't count as a short story. My monster looses control in the least beneficial of times. What can i do to control the vengeance and the lack of tears. I feel tears take more energy out of me than destroying myself. I feel my destruction is a need again. Am I just fighting against myself? In this moment my whole world is ahead of me. In this moment there is still an obvious brick wall. In this moment there are many who are upset with me. In this moment and in every second going on from now they will never understand. I can't understand if I am in the right or wrong. I ask for simplistic things and its like I am asking for a silver platter. In this moment I just do not know what to expect. In every moment I wish some sort of end. Especially in this moment right now.