Drowning Serenity

The weight of silence descends upon me

Like a blanket of dense dead leaves

My lungs scream trying to breath

And I hear loved ones as they greave

I am not done yet why can’t you see

I am here but invisible it seems

As always you look past me to others

My life plays out like series of dreams

I float thru life on a dust covered cloud

That is dirty, deceiving and lying

With a centre that holds the dying me

From lack of moisture from excess crying

The road I walk is like black molasses

And my world, dense, thick with disgust

Times when death would be better

That is born from bitter years of distrust

The quiet reflection in my mirror

Stares back at me silently screaming

With tears of mucus slime and shit

Stopping large, bright eyes, from gleaming.

The inside me is beautiful and fun

But my shell will not let me surface

To break free from my smothering shell

But is my self esteem just worthless

I look to the surface of my frozen mind

Hoping for a break in the conjured ice

To be up there where others live

Would purely and simply just be nice

I hold my breath and push on up

Banging my fists in bloody defiance

My body weak my knuckles wrecked

I am discarded like a used appliance.

Why I ask as the darkness creeps in

Why do I not feel part of the within

I tried and tried to no avail it seems

My dead lifeless body now void of sin