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A beautiful, haunting poem that I came up with. View table of contents...
Submitted: May 9, 2008 Reads: 57 Comments: 4 Likes: 0
Turning sharply on the wing,
jeering to the night.
My raven’s eye will follow you,
turning left,
and turning right.
Fluttering souls about him fly.
Hum along,
a sweet lullaby.
Turning left,
and turning right.
Crying softly,
croon mid-flight.
guide the souls throughout the night.
Turning left,
and turning right.
Fall back to me,
oh lord of the night.
Fly back to me,
turning left,
and turning right.
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The last two lines in each verse was a bit too repetitive. Which may just be my opinion, but maybe flesh out each verse.
Posted: May 9, 2008
great rhymes here. i like the repetitiveness of the last two lines in each verse to kind of adds control to the poem and pulls the reader back in, also it gives the poem a visual edge. really good stuff!!!
Posted: May 10, 2008
I agree with matthew, i love repetition like this and that particular repetition made this haunting. like a scout or something. wonderful imagery.
Posted: May 10, 2008
I really like this! I love the repetition. It's really good!
Posted: Sep 24, 2008
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Other writing by Itania Das Apokalypse Wiegenlied (The Apocalypse Lullaby) Stone Play The Blood Run Bravery Isn't Everything I'm Waiting More..
Love, Poetry, Death, Life, Poem, Romance, Pain, Fantasy, Hope, Sad, Sex, Hate, God, Horror, War, Humor, Hurt, Sadness, Loss, Dark, Fiction, Depression, Heart, Family, Friendship.
