I made this in reponse to Dark Skylight's challenge. She gave me these words:
1. Happiness
2. Love
3. Angel
4. Missing
5. Shine
6. Shine
7. Beautful
8. Cloud
9. Red
10. Blood
Topic: LOVE
Love is too broad to discuss about so I narrowed it down and came up with this title, "If Looks Could Kill".
Love seems too common in poems. Thus, I made a slight twist to make it a bit different...darkly different. ^^
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Submitted: Jun 26, 2008
Reads: 60
Comments: 12
Likes: 6
If looks could kill…
I’d caress you with my beautiful witchy eyes;
I’d bathe you under my dark clouded vision;
I’d paint you a picture with a pale complexion;
I’d be the blazing sun to burn your lies;
* * *
I’d watch over you like a furious angel;
I’d get you within the range of my piercing sight;
I’d never let you missing day and night;
I’d be the sweetest dream to haunt you with a deadly tale;
* * *
I’d hug you with my sharp stalking stare;
I’d let happiness shine on shades of hate;
I’d ride on my drooping spirit;
I’d make love with you through a madman’s glare;
I’d paint the town bloody red!
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Comments:
oh so cool! I got goosebumps!
Posted: Jun 26, 2008
Wow!!This is great!!You wrote an excellent poem.I love it alooot.Great great job! :))
Posted: Jun 26, 2008
Wonderful poem, Jadey, if looks could kill. That was a perfect picture for the poem.
Posted: Jun 26, 2008
these lines took my breath away....lovely....and the format was soothing as well....
I’d be the blazing sun to burn your lies;
I’d get you within the range of my piercing sight;
I’d never let you missing day and night;
I’d hug you with my sharp stalking stare;
I’d let happiness shine on shades of hate
i have one sincere request, please change the snap with this poem...that looks ghastly and scary and doesnot go with such a lovely poem...it's yucky snap...sorry...but i want nothing but the best snap with this beautiful poem and that snap is killing the serene effect of this poem....
i hope i did not hurt u....i am sorry buddy...i hated the snap for spoiling the mood of the poem...for me the poem was divine....
Posted: Jun 26, 2008
Wow, love this one, If only huh? Yep, been there done that. Great poem! :) ~ Nixie
Posted: Jun 26, 2008
this was really good! the first stanza was awesome....i love how you set up your poem too! starting of every stanza with "i looks could kill" that was awesomely awesome!
~Lemon
Posted: Jun 26, 2008
This is awesome, the picture sort of prepares you for the worst,only to come in and get a sweet confession. Love it.
Posted: Jun 26, 2008
arg i was going to this "this is awesome" deb beat me to it. oh well. lol
ok so this was AWESOMELY DARK! ha!
i enjoyed it :) and it was weird b/c i felt like one side of me could connect with it... and thats strange coming from me b/c i'm normally not a dark person lol but i loved it! it had a creepy cool feel to it! a bit sardonic in a way.
great writing! keep it up :)
Posted: Jun 27, 2008
I thought this was very clever and absolutely loved the ending. As a challenge you incorporated your words effortlessly (or so it appears to the reader, sign of great writing)
Posted: Jun 27, 2008
Ah, the opposite of Love. Funny how it sometimes burns hotter and longer. Enjoyed this darkly rich poem!
Posted: Jun 29, 2008
What a completely different spin on love. I love it!!!! IT's amazing!!!
I shall say no more because there is nothing left to say.
~Kaori
Posted: Jun 29, 2008
this is actually pretty intensely, wickedly cool...very twisted, and I liked it ;D
Posted: Jul 2, 2008
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