Lemonluv's Challenge: HEAVEN
Nine Days and Moonpools & Caterpillars are two of the bands that I love a lot. When I responded to Lemonluv's challenge, I provided those two but she chose the latter and picked the song "Heaven".
Moonpools & Caterpillars was a Filipino American rock band based in California. They released their only major-label album, Lucky Dumpling, in 1995. I love all songs in it. Kimi's voice was smooth, clear and playful. Unfortunately, the group disbanded in 1998. :-(
The song "Heaven" was about losing a friend. My poem, on the other hand, isn't just about losing a friend. But it's about losing someone who is more than that.
*A Monody*
Read on and let me know what you think about it. Thanks! ^^
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Submitted: Jun 30, 2008
Reads: 58
Comments: 11
Likes: 6
Ice thickened on every road;
You’ll never come to see me.
* * *
A cloud of mist on every way;
I keep my youth in me.
* * *
The sun has long been gone;
My guarded secret revealed to a young man.
* * *
While I step on this land;
Your heart’s no longer here to hold;
I’ll meet you in our dreamland.
* * *
While you’re up there and I’m down here;
I stare at the heaven’s gate of gold;
Wondering if you’d even take a peer.
* * *
My life is like a leafless tree;
How many days are there to live in this world?
Cruel winter, how long will I be set free?
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Comments:
this is good! and i love the 2nd and the last stanza. i also like how you repeat: ?"no end to this cold"
awesomely awesome job!
~Lemon
p.s. i was wondering if you made a typo in your summary cus im a she.
Posted: Jun 30, 2008
jadey this is an amazing poem.wow. so sad. you can almost feel the cold.
snow x
Posted: Jun 30, 2008
this poem is so nice..like it ....
Posted: Jun 30, 2008
awe, this is so beautiful, i love it! i can feel the emotion of it! great work!
Posted: Jun 30, 2008
dang jadey, you did it again! another fantastic poem! i liked the repetition. it really worked out well and gave it a nice touch. hm u said it was about losing someone more than just a friend. i saw it as a lover. what made me think this was the
"Your heart’s no longer here to hold;
I’ll meet you in our dreamland"
the fact that you referred to it as "our" dreamland. two lovers, they share everything - dreams and their hearts. ^^
i liked it muchly! great work jadey :)
Posted: Jun 30, 2008
An awesome piece...love it
Posted: Jul 1, 2008
Aw, another lovely poem. This makes me think of my friend. It also makes me think of those moments in time when you're so lost that time doesn't matter, days mingle into one, night becomes day. It's a cruel world but it makes us strong living those cruel days. Anyhow, a great poem! ~ Nixie
Posted: Jul 1, 2008
This is so touching. I loved it.
Posted: Jul 2, 2008
Oh This is so so sad,i tell you...last two stanzas hit us on face ....so sad and indeed life is cruel....
Posted: Jul 2, 2008
this is another great poem of yours:D missing someone so much hurts a lot...
Posted: Jul 5, 2008
hey a great poem here, some very strong images. Wonderful work
Posted: Jul 8, 2008
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