In Loving memory of Valerie

When I heard you were back together...

All I could think was it should have been me,

Not necessarily with you but with somebody to love forever,

With someone that truly loved me.

Just the way that you love her, you know...

The way she smiled when you were near...

That's what I wanted-something beyond my control...

A lasting, true love and to stop holding on to all that fear.

I wished you happiness and love...

I prayed that you would always have each other

I prayed that it would always be enough.

I prayed that the two of you would never lose one another.

When you said that you were having a son,

I said, "Congratulations, that's great."

But inside I secretly thought I should have been the one.

Then I realized it just wasn't my fate.

I was happy for you,

But I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel any jealousy,

You deserved some happiness after all you had been through.

I knew without her you would be living alone miserably.

I didn't want you to feel the pain I feel each day...

Being alone,

I would never want anyone to feel this way...

missing and holding on to the one that's gone.

She was so proud to be their mother and your wife...

The smile on her face said it all,

She had truly found happiness in your life

Together-I still can't believe the words from that call.

Everything was going great,

Things had moved from stormy waters to calm seas...

And then the unthinkable happened by a horrible twist of fate.

And as the tears fell all I could think was it should have been me.

I love you, Dean and I am so sorry...