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Tags: Death, Past, Future


was Pondering if dying was the answer out of things and now holding on to every moment.


Submitted:Feb 19, 2008    Reads: 87    Comments: 2    Likes: 1   


I used to ponder if death was a way out for me-

An escape-a way to be free.

Free from the pain of the past-

Free from this mundane exsistance that was passing so fast.

I watched the world through revenge filled eyes-

And I stood there completely paralized.

Seeing only the pain as life passed me by.

I didn't heal, I didn't love or LIVE-I didn't try.

I wallowed in my horrifying pain and self-pity,

I withdrew into my shell completely-

And I am so ashamed to say-

I prayed for death almost everyday.

I knew I would leave my babies behind and alone-

But I rationalized that maybe they'd have a better life with me gone.

I cried at the thought-

Yet still I was distraught.

Torn between the love for them and the loss of me-

I had slipped through the cracks and out of reality.

I continued to die inside-

Looking for shelter, a place to hide-

It took a serious illness, a brush with death-

That now made me cling to that breath.

No longer wanting to die-

Now wanting to live, wanting to try.

Is it now too late?

Can I learn to love myself-let go of all of the hate?

Can I live my life the way I should have been doing for years?-

Can I learn to smile and let go of the tears?

Is it too late?

What a cruel twist of fate-

Can I ever repair the bonds that were broken?

Or do I travel on with words unspoken?-

Life is short now I know-

I want to LIVE, leave the past behind and let go...

Of the anger, tears and hate-

I just hope and pray that now It's Not Too Late!




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