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quiet things no one knows

By: karisklawikowska

Page 1, life

ive shed enough tears to fill an ocean
through sadness, happiness. every emotion
spent years afraid to show me true colours
fear of rejection to not be accepted by others
tortured my body, my mind, my soul
buried myself somewhere dark n cold
slept to dream to escape reality
cus a didnt feel normal in this normality
peirced my body to try n relieve pain
but that feelin just came back again
i drank to numb it escape the truth
just used what i could to get me through
my eyes were black an my heart was empty
anythin to escape u never had to tempt me
i wrote till the ink ran out of my pen
burnt the paper an start again
shut myself down an put up a front
forget ur feelins give the people wat they want
bounced around friends a was in solitude
hurt turned to rage and i got an attitude
a dont want people to like me a hated masel
a was beyond repair beyond help
i broke my family, i felt like a burden
had so much to say but couldnt get the words in
black was ma shade n red ma colour
a had to get out cause a was destroyin ma mother
carried around a bag wi a change of clothes
day to day didnt no where i would go
drink was my crutch couldnt stop
couldnt see how bad it got
drinkin in secret, no one had a clue
a had to have it to get me through
life was to real an borin sober
so another bottle another day over
held down a jobs put on a face
but not feelin accepted any place
alcohol dependent age 17  to 22
but all that changed when a met you
u wanted me there 24/7
i had someone who really listend
made it a lesson an not a regret
learn from it but never forget
wouldnt change it if i could go back
a wouldnt have the light in my llife if it hadnt been black
im not ashamed for years i was at the tip of the mountain
it made me know how i am without any doubtin
i had to be there to make that decison
to give up or make a life worth livin
it wasnt years or torture it was years i was fighten
a war wi masel an was i fuck bitin
i survived  ma own fuckin damnation
cus with all the anger there was strength was creatin
buildin up the courage to ask for help
and admit i couldnt love for hatin mysel
that i was scared to be happy cus it might get removed
id rather jus keep in misery than to try and lose
to expect the worst so i wasnt ever let down
that i hid my pain an acted the clown
that i feared losin people so i never got close
that id rather not be high to suffer the low
never be sober cause then it be clear
that i am who i am and i deserve to be here
i turned negative to positive one by one
changed every mistake to a lesson till there was none
to never hold back what my heart wants to say
to live like its the last every day
tell the people i love that i do an how lucky i am
to fuck the folk that dont give a fuckin damn
thought i wanted to be somebody else
but i loved me when i met mel
u freed my soul and helped that fighter escape
your why wen on the edge i chose to wait
all my shit an crazy behaviour
brought me to u my life and saviour

 

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