My girlfriend tells me she's never around
Always with the girls
Just hanging out
Can't determinate if I should just set her straight
And figure out why she can never make time
I wanted to teach her the tango
With my amplifier turned up to high
I would hope she couldn't tell my skills were a little bit rusted
She says she's in church
Her parents say she's with me
Does she have on a beak like mask
I completely trust her so that can't it
I went to the concert last night knowing I'd see her there
I was alright with my beer in my hand
Until the lead singer says my girlfriend's a good lay
The band starts singing my name and how I don't know
What they do
I hear all the stories
Her lies come unraveled and now
I finally know
I have no idea what this is about. Based on the comments, and your admission that this was written "for" someone or something, I presume this not a testimony of personal experience. Do you always write "for" someone? I suppose i shouldn't judge you based on your desire for the validation of others. After all you're so young. But maybe you should write for yourself once in a while, or better yet, discard all fore-thought and agenda and just write.
Another simple, relatively short, concise, free-verse poem. It is very good for what it is(i would watch your line length though, it's a little jarring at points), and taking your age into consideration, I'd definately say you have talent.
I think you should try writing outside your comfort zone, try adding a little rhyme, or patterned rhythm(clapp out the syllables of each line, count them, and try to maintain the same number of syllables per line for the entire poem)
At fourteen you write decent poetry. If you dedicate yourself to the craft, continue to write regularly and read as much as you can, by the time your my age you could be brilliant.
I hope that's of some use to you sweetheart.
Posted: Nov 4, 2008
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