Finding Myself...

I used to, without hesitation, think about other people first and worry about them before considering me

I used to get knotted up inside and stress about them if they were not happy, unselfishly

I used to go to sleep and wake up with them on my mind and in my thoughts and plans for the day

I used to wish the blood would flow to my heart to be with them... And got thrown away

I used to make sure that what I was cooking would be suitable for all, and to each of their taste

I used to go to sleep knowing I needed to get to the shops in the morning before work and with haste

I used to maintain the surroundings that we shared to a standard they felt comfortable living in

I used to do all these things unconditionally until conditionally they traded me in

I used to make myself look presentable and take on board criticism of my outer appearance

I used to change the way I approached certain people to display my adherance

I used be concerned for their well being and safe return and state of health

I used to sacrifice going out and my own future and career and sacrifice personal gain and wealth

I used to be tangled up in knots inside when I knew I had unwittingly let them down

I used to take it all to heart and feel inadequate when I had tried my best and they'd frown

I used to give my complete and undivided attention and be complimentary through and through

I used to be good enough for them but now they need attending and compliments from somebody new

I used to worship them and put them on a pedestal and pamper them and treat them as high class

I used to run baths and hurry and scurry for them until they pulled my insides out through my arse

I used to give all of my time right down to the last second and only want the truth and love and respect in return

I used to; but it was too much to ask so most of my feelings in poetic verse I did find and did burn

I used to be so respectful and careful of never infuriating a tense situation and always back down

I used to worry that she was getting extra attention from other men in another town

I used to be made to feel like I was a paranoid, suspicious and mistrusting freak

I used to admire her and trust her until I knew of her lies and now I just wanna cry when I hear her speak

I used to make her feel like she was the greatest in bed and desire her naked flesh when she was not at her cleanest or best

I used to sacrifice sexually what I really wanted and ignore the disappointment I felt when she turned down a request

I used to give her in bed exactly what she wanted every single time no questions asked and never complain

I used to do this out of love and lust for her now she acts repulsed by me and won't ever let me touch her again

I used to do all of these things and a shitload of things more and whatever else I was asked to do

I used to, now she says I don't need you no more and you need to just go and be you....

I used to dream that I would be able to watch my family grow up and become adults and we would watch them and be filled with such pride

I used to; but now she has decided that my feelings count for fucking nothing and of that dream I have been denied, so some other cunt can feel her inside

I used to maintain contact with her throughout the day and we laughed and joked and we dreamed and we planned and we cried

I used to be her biggest fan until she began lying and I knew and she took me for a ride and still I stayed by her side

I used to...