My Old Life and Suicide, The Key to the Future

For the past fifteen years, our friends have sat in my back garden and moaned

Bitched, whinged and cried

Laughed, joked, reminisced, planned

Remembered the ones that have died

We have shared our beer, wine, food music and fun

We have given them time, encouragement, advice and hope

Given up our personal minutes to them

Shared what little we had and our dope...

Now at this juncture in time

When I am contemplating what has gone wrong, and why?

And looking ahead with trepidation and dread

I sit here alone at night and I cry

They have all decided to not take a side

They have shrunk into the shadows and let our family split

Not come forward to offer advice, take our children to give us some time

Like they could not really give a shit

What point is there in planning a future?

When Iv'e no bed of my own, no income, no lovelife. no sex, no family home and few friends

Who really, really gives a fuck

If tomorrow my now sad existence-ends?

Taking ones own life takes far more courage than people think

It's not something one can do on a whim with no thought

It's something that's done after much consideration and soul searching

When one has looked for all the answers and none have been sought, one comes up short

I deserve far greater than this

I deserve someone looking into my soul and thinking

This man has always given his best to us

Not just when he's happy or come back from a night with friends drinking

Here is a man unselfish with his loving

Kind and supportive and proud of his kids

Considerate in and out of the bedroom

Where are you now when my life's hit the 'skids'?

So although I have screamed out with pain when alone

And I know that some would never forgive me

Alone and poor and beaten I will die

Nobody wanted to come and be with me

Ain't had a good nights sleep in ten weeks

Haven't made love for longer than that

Yet people think I still owe them something

And have all turned their backs at the 'drop of a hat'

Well fuck you...

And if I do take my own life when I decide

The next time you are all out having fun, making love, getting stoned, at a bbq singing

You could have took me along for the ride

Goodbye.