Love in vain (only you)

Love in vain (Only you)

I can´t accept this evil fact

That you are not for me

That what I had or hoped to have

Is all that used to be.

I tried and tried and was so brave

I smiled, I bowed – I did

I thought so hard it burst my head

It took my sleep and all the rest

You started to become my goal

And here I cry because I failed

this absurd, faulty test.

I know it makes no sense

And it was in my head

But there were no lies

And no pretend

And still I lost all in the end.

It realy is so hard

To figure it all out

So painful – yes – to understand

I kill this urge to shout!

This hatred wells up in my chest

Cuts my cords and takes my best

My skills to be so nice and pure

My heart becomes so cruel and sour

Is this what love in vain has done

This bitterness – what I´ve become.

For good I get a load of shit

A kick – a punch  - a smash – a hit

Revenge oh how I yearn for it.

Cruel is how it cannot be

How I can never find my peace

Through violence.

How absolutely helpless

I am now

Because

I have to serve and bow.

You never wanted things from me

Its me that wanted you

I cannot punish

Cannot hurt when

pain is something

I have given too

It´s just that I can´t bear no more

That every second hurts so much

I wish I could´ve known before

I wish I could forget your touch.

I wish not to be free

To be yours – oh yes – dependantly

Cause it´s not release, freedom, peace

Or any warant

It´s only you

I want!

Sara Kehrer ©