Nicely constructed story in this poem. Possibly you could have broken stanzas a bit more so they all become like the final four. Just think that would make each part have more impact especially so with the dialogue.

Posted: Jul 4, 2008

An angry tone indeed, but your delivery and passion are unarguably beautiful. It's blunt, honest, genuine and, without a doubt, inspired. Your imagery was very point-blank and, to tell you the truth, I liked the candid, tell-it-like-it-is attitude in this one.

Also the above comment about breaking up the stanzas would take away from some of the visual aspects of the piece, in my opinion. If you stretch your imagination, you can picture the outline/silhouette of a women where "Cos/You're on a diet kick" is the waist and the first "What a wretched affair." is the maximum in her waist, while the rest follows the outline of her legs (perhaps in some sort of a cocktail dress) to the end.

Maybe just something I interpreted and perhaps even the author doesn't see it/mean it, but how stanzas are formulated doesn't always have to coincide with the structure necessarily, but rather a more creative message or image. Although, in the end, it is matmoo's prerogative and vision.

Well done, as usual. :)

Posted: Jul 4, 2008

**EDIT:I meant hip where I placed the second "waist"...two waists, well now, that would be quite odd indeed.

Posted: Jul 4, 2008

I loved it.. a different twist to the boring insecurity
Thanks

Posted: Jul 5, 2008