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This is my poem for Alice’s challenge, though this is only the first part, another two parts will follow later.
She gave me the subject of dry ice and setting of castle.
The words were:
captivate
alluring
indulge
taunt
approbative
crucify
Oh, I asked for an allusion, well there’s several in here. Of course there’s references to Troy, and there’s also references to Dante and The Divine Comedy.
Hope you can follow the story I’m trying to write.
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Submitted: Jul 7, 2008 Reads: 62 Comments: 4 Likes: 7
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Matt, I think its an awesome story. I'm just sorry that I have to wait to read what happens in the castle. I love the rhyming and the flow of it. The stanza with the fisherman was my favorite and I loved the lines "Like a fish in the depth of a stream I was hooked, or a star in the sky by a poet was plucked," You did a really good job Matt and it was worth the wait!
Posted: Jul 7, 2008
Reads to me like a "Shakespearean" ballad, very rich, very evocative. ..and more to come. You have a distinctive style Matthew - exceedingly poetic and your use of ryhme quite magical.
Posted: Jul 8, 2008
god, why do you have to be so amazing at poetry? lol
this is incredible... like... i'm at a loss for words matt lol i should have given you harder words! grrr! hahaha!
but seriously - this is amazing. it has a very smooth flow and it reads wonderfully. ah and you leave off with the castle, yet to bring in the dry ice but oh i can't wait. i'm really excited. this is wonderful ^^
looking forward to part 2 and 3 - so far you're doing excellent with the challenge! it can only get better from here :D
Posted: Jul 8, 2008
Well yay you! The first line automatically and very much in a grandeur sense places us deep into your mind, and seeing exactly what you want us to see.
I love the thought process of seeing a star that had burst....too much stress for the poor soul.
And oh my god, bent down to kiss the watery lips. Matt, let's make out! Ha! I love that sentence!
And onto your gradual steps with wickedness...fraud, treachery, glutton...wait a sec...is the author being seduced by a fallen angel? OOOh, I love this Matt! Love the rhyming and the story of seduction and how the author is trying to fight the seduction but doesn't want to fight the seduction! yippee! He drinks the last bitters and dregs of loneliness! Only to see a glimmer over his shoulder.
Matt, I love it. Flowed off the palette like exotic debauchery.
Sweet.
Posted: Jul 11, 2008
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Other writing by matthew smith A Shade of Imprisonment My distant female, all is now a race letters from new york Through waters where the moon fled Speaking to strangers More..
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