The Reluctant Phoenix

When I say reluctant
I do not mean to die
Death is the easy part
I am released
Being reborn from ash
That is what I dread

The person I have become
She is not human
Nor God
Nor beast
A being, that is what I am
This thing I have become

She dies almost every night
If I don’t my nights are restless
I am melancholy
She drifts
As though being of water
But I need control

She rejects my control
Shuns responsibility
She only needs three words to be controlled
I will be a puddle
For you to scoop up
And carry in a glass with you

No sleep tonight
I haven’t died in days
Every time I die
I awake refreshed
Hopeful for a new life/day
I know it will end the same

I feel high
She hasn’t been in two years
She moves her head around
As if it were not my own
The disturbance in the air lulls her to sleep
I am at peace for now