It was December and I was out of work.
I walked quickly to the hospital; I was late for my interview.
It was cold and I was alone again. Strange city, strange to have no friends
and worse, I was broke. As the snow melted that fell upon
my face I dreamt of success.
I would be the best; I would make my parents proud,
I would be someone important, I would make a difference.
I would be happy.
It hasn't happened yet
Some people smile, some wave hands,
others node their heads in my direction,
yet I don’t see them.
There is a veil over my eyes.
My mind is elsewhere, I am scared again.
Unanswered questions, unanswered prayers
a fear of failure, fear of saying the wrong thing,
fear of people, fear of life.
Everything will be alright, right?
It hasn't happened yet
Every night I lie awake and wait for that feeling of contentment,
that warm sense of ease you feel when things are as they should be.
Awake looking through eyes wide open, I dream of what I could have done, should have done,
would have done differently, if only I had known.
I need peace, I need serenity, I need to know myself.
What is my purpose, where is my place in this world, who am I,
how do I succeed? I have to know.
It hasn't happened yet
Scared no more, I have got to get it together.
When do I feel I haven’t failed? When do I feel I have succeeded?
That I have made a difference. Free of fear, free of guilt.
Free to be me, ah peace at last.
It hasn't happened… yet
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