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Poetry By: moonphish

things go awry for a man of the cloth

Submitted:May 13, 2012    Reads: 7    Comments: 4    Likes: 0   

father murphy was so nervous

'bout the services that day
twas a solemn congregation
whose attention turned his way
he had watched his predecessor
who'd performed with grace and ease
but the priest knew these people
would be awfully hard to please
so a rosary was chosen
and he tucked it in his robe
and he picked some lovely passages
in which to read and probe
he picked some hymns, eternal
songs of hope and love and praise
poured some wine in tiny tumblers
put some wafers on a tray
but when the service started
all the wheels came off the cart
he'd lost his bookmarked passages
and knew not where to start
and the numbers in his hymnal
didn't match the ones in racks
so his rosary, he fingered
to relieve his stress attacks
but the beads became unraveled
and they tumbled all around
then he stepped and slipped upon them
and then joined them on the ground
he forgot his prayers in latin
from his mind, they turned and fled
so he shouted "unum pluribus
quo vadis" in it's stead
the wine, he then upended
to the floor, the whole mess crashed
and the stain destroyed the carpet
as the crimson tide was splashed
then he handed out communion
as the true believers knelt
things were finally going smoothly
or at least, the poor priest felt
but when he wafered mrs. garrett
he had jammed it in too far
its stuck deep inside her windpipe
and she needed CPR
when the paramedics entered
to administer their aid
the whole crowd stampeded forward
in an overwrought parade
and the large cross by the altar
was dislodged and crashed right down
and it smashed a stain glass window
with a lusty booming sound
father murphy felt defeated
when he saw the damage done
he had thrashed the whole cathedral
and had angered everyone
it seemed to him his angels
had just left him in the lurch
twas the worst case of mass murder
ever in the catholic church


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